014: Rubric Part IV

March 1, 2010
Genesis 18:1-15, Proverbs 31:10-31, Probers 7, Proverbs 12:4
Marriage Rubric Part IV: Social Connection

If you know anything about Myers Briggs Personality Types, you will understand a little of what my personality is like when I share that my Personality Profile is an ENFP. I think I’m almost a classic textbook case.

As a result, people – and thus socializing – are very important to me. My friend Adam tells me I have no sense of self-preservation in this area and that I’m liable to kill myself trying to socialize. I beg to differ – I do have boundaries, I do get tired of people, and I do find solitude and quiet enjoyable sometimes – but my boundaries may be a little farther stretched than some peoples.

Hospitality is hugely important to me. I’d say it’s one of the areas I’ve been granted a spiritual gift in – meaning, I may not be the best hostess ever, but it doesn’t bother me one little bit to have people in my home, eating my food, sharing my space, and sharing my life. Not only does it not bother me, I love it! I would love to have a big house someday and purposefully open my home and life to people – whether short or long term.

With this knowledge of my personality at hand, one of the areas of connection on my marriage rubric – or a goal I’m striving for in my marriage – is to have a social connection with my husband. Not only do I want to enjoy spending time with him by ourselves – after all, I want to marry my best friend and favorite person to be with – but also with him in various social settings. To “enjoy” socializing with him, I think I need to feel confidant in my husband’s ability to interact with people, either in a crowd, in small groups, in our home, or being a guest in someone else’s house. I don’t want to feel like I have to babysit him at a social gathering, nor do I want to feel like my value to him is less than other people at a party.

Ideally, I want to be able to confidently do the “divide and conquer” tactic in social gatherings, while still being able to pull my husband into the conversations I’m having with people, or feeling free to join him in his conversations.

When we’re doing things together as a couple, I’d like to be able to do things we both enjoy – or at least enjoy doing activities that I might not normally find enjoyable, but find them pleasurable because of his presence. The ability to work OR play with my husband while enjoying his company and knowing that OUR life together melds and just works on the social scene. I want to be able to laugh and joke with him, and also feel free to be serious and pensive or analytic and focused with him and know that he’s OK with all components of my personality. And, of course, I want him to know and utilize that freedom with me.

Although this may not seem like a big deal in marriage, biblically speaking, I think it falls under the component of “prudential wisdom” to consider the socializing ability and compatibility of the individuals in a marriage. Otherwise, I think it could be undermining to the relationship…