015: Rubric Part V

March 2, 2010
Hosea 3:14-20, Ephesians 4:1-6, Ephesians 5:20-33, 1 Peter 3:1-12, Revelation 21:1-9
Marriage Rubric Part V: Emotional Connection

As with each of the other four parts of this little rubric I’ve outlined, I think the fifth part of emotional connection is also vital for a healthy, God-honoring marriage.

Again and again in the Bible we see God’s relationship with Israel (Old Testament) and His relationship with the church (New Testament). In both cases, God makes clear efforts to know His people, to be known by them, to love them and be loyal to them, and He expects the same in return. It seems reasonable to transfer those ideals to a human marriage, since the Bible repeatedly uses “marriage” vocabulary and analogies in regards to God’s relationship with humanity. Thus, human marriages should set as their goal a full knowledge and love and loyalty and respect of both persons.

Part of that – a large part of it – I think is tied to an emotional connection. By emotional connection, I mean the element of a relationship that causes the two persons to feel close, to feel comfortable with each other, to desire to spend time together, to enjoy being with each other, an encouragement and acceptance and admiration for each other. The emotional element permeates all other aspects of the relationship – it is developed and encouraged through spiritual connection, it promotes and is also promoted by sexual connection, it gives a foundation for mental connection, and it provides security and delight in social connection.

I think emotional connection, for me, can be summed up as the “safety” of a marriage. Emotional connection with my husband would mean that I feel safe with him – exposing my spiritual struggles and triumphs, exploring our sexuality together, sharing my thoughts and ideas knowing that even if he doesn’t agree with me, he will listen and take into consideration what I’m saying. When I feel emotionally close to someone, their thoughts matter to me, their desires are important, and their goals are goals I want to help them strive for and achieve.

It would seem that emotional connection needs to be maintained, but also is easier to maintain when it is being propagated. Little things can contribute to emotional connection on my end – really anything that shows that someone is making an effort to relate to me, acknowledge me, or bless me, such as text messages intermittent throughout the day, simple gestures and touches to acknowledge my presence, attention to little details I find interesting or value, etc. Everyone has their own unique way of expressing love and receiving love, and emotional connection seems to be just the title word for making an effort to both express and receive love from someone in a manner that is purposeful and individualized for them.

Essentially, I want to know that I am the most important human in the world to my husband because of his commitment to our relationship, and I want my husband to know that he is the most important human in my life because of my commitment to our relationship. God uses marriage to refine and reform us, and two people being in it together seems to be the point. Emotional connection would appear to strengthen that unity and tie.