024: Comparing

March 11, 2010
1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1, 12:1-31

One of my good friends from high school married an awesome gal named Amber. My friend, Austin, and Amber now pastor a gang of middle school students along with heading up a college ministry. I volunteered to help with the middle schoolers last fall, and somehow from that development I’ve become close to Amber. Once a week or so we meet up for coffee at one of the numerous coffee shops in town and chat about life and family and God and relationships and work and drama and the size of their unborn child (he/she is the length of an avocado this week!).

Today we were talking about my relationship with a friend. I was explaining to Amber that I feel like this friend often compares me to other people – so and so is a better teacher, someone else is more lively and fun to have at social gatherings, another person is more genuinely sweet, etc. I know it’s weird, but for awhile I appreciated the honesty my friend would give me in making these comparisons, because it helped me see my weaknesses and areas of potential growth as a person. However, because this friend has been close to me, they know a LOT about me, which puts me in a very vulnerable position. I’m tired of feeling like I never measure up to what I feel like they expect me to be.

If I’m honest, though, I know that I am completely capable of doing the same thing. I have another friend that I’ve known for awhile, and I feel like my friend is perpetually stuck at a maturity level somewhere in the past. My friend has never really developed much of a sense of themself, instead, they kind of continually conform to the environment they are in. I get irritated by it, because I long for so much more growth and development, and then I’m forced to see the reality of what is in front of me, which is not what I would most desire for this friend.

As I was pondering this comparison issue I seem to have (both with being compared and doing the comparing) I was reminded of Paul’s words to the Corinthian church (OK, actually, Amber reminded me of them, and pointed out how damaging it can be to compare). He makes it clear that everyone has their own giftings and is who they are because that is how God wanted it to be. And, of course, the reason He wants it to be that way is because He has a purpose for each of us.

Who am I to compare myself to other people? Who am I to compare people to each other? Who are we, as a church, to find fault with who someone is? Granted, honesty and encouragement in growth is important – but I think the emphasis needs to be on the encouragement. Rather than having someone walk away from an honest discussion of faults feeling discouraged and inferior, they should be encouraged in who they are and prayerful about how God would desire them to further develop.

Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I like that. I want people to feel like they were encouraged in their personal spiritual and interpersonal development when they walk away from interacting with me.