028: Answers

March 15, 2010
1 Peter 1-3

After the revelations I had yesterday that I blogged about, I have experienced a pretty sweet time of fellowship with Jesus today. It’s amazing to me that God will do that. When I come with a repentant heart, scribbling out my heart confession and submission to Him in my handy-dandy journal my friend Kayla gave me, He is SO GOOD about welcoming me back into His arms. I love, love, LOVE the image of a daddy scooping his disobedient, stubborn, willful child into his arms after the child has been reprimanded for doing something naughty, and feels sorrow over their actions. My Father does that far more often than I ever deserve. And I come as a disobedient, stubborn, willful, repentant child far less often than I should…

For me, this pursuit of an idea of what it means to “rest” and how to be more “restful” is going to take some round-about movement. I hope you’re up for the challenge.

I started this little mini-journey out yesterday by pointing out what I think the issue is of why I’m not resting, namely, not trusting God. I’m trying to backtrack and sort through why I think He’s not trustworthy… or perhaps more importantly, why I think I’m justified in not trusting Him.

I’m not quite sure why, but that lead me to the issue that almost every woman I’ve ever met has struggled with to some degree, which is the issue of value: Am I valuable? And out of that question stem the questions: Do you love me? Do you desire me?

If you’re a woman reading this, I’m betting that you can relate. If you’re a guy, you probably think I’m crazy, but I’m telling you, these are deep, deep, DEEP, and potentially heart-breaking issues. Just assume the women in your life struggle with them!

I’m sick of feeling like those questions are being answered negatively: “No, you are not valuable unless you can produce something or provide something for the family/friends/social group/classroom. No, you are not loved – you’re liked, but only when it’s convenient. No, you are not desired on any sort of permanent basis.” And the reason I’m sick of it is because I know it’s not true. I just needed to find the proof for myself, because when my focus gets on what I think I am entitled to (ie: an explanation from God of WHY), I completely forget ALL that God has done to answer those questions to the affirmative.

So this was my list from today:
God protects me (and thus, I must be valuable): 1 Peter 1:5
My faith is precious (and “precious” means “of value”): 1 Peter 1:7
God paid a ransom for me (meaning, there was an investment for my benefit): 1 Peter 1:18-20
I am “chosen” and “royal”: 1 Peter 2:9-10
Jesus guards my soul (valuable again): 1 Peter 2:25
Christ suffered and DIED for ME (the ultimate cost and offering of Love): 1 Peter 3:18

How about you? What questions haunt your soul? Who are you looking to to answer them? Who should you be seeking answers from, and where will you find them?