April 20, 2010
1 Samuel 24&25
If God is clear about what He says, I’d say that humans, naturally, are not. We have the potential to be, and I’d submit even the responsibility to strive for clear communication, but I don’t think it’s something that necessarily occurs to us to do just because. As we age and become socially adjusted, we learn to hide what we truly mean.
These two chapters from 1 Samuel are interesting to me not only because of David’s interaction with a wise, noble woman, but also because of how much dialogue there is and what the dialogue is saying. Do you notice that everyone seems to be referencing and referring to God throughout the passage? And yet I wonder, did they really pay that much heed to God on a regular basis? Obviously it was sort of a religious state (Israel, that is), but I wonder how much of their communication and references to God were habitual, and how much was actually pre-considered and, for lack of a better term, genuine?
In the communication realm, Abigail certainly stands out to me among biblical characters. She clearly knew how to handle communicating effectively. Her interaction with David is a humble approach and a full of blessings for him. I wonder what she said, exactly, to her husband the day after she delivered all the stuff to David and his men. Did she break it to him easy, or in a moment of frustration, did she blurt it out in anger?
I also find it very interesting that David proposes marriage to Abigail via messengers. How terribly unromantic! When my husband proposes to me – if I ever get married – I hope he puts some thought into making it a bit romantic and meaningful to the two of us, and also a complete surprise. Well, I guess that was true of Abigail – I doubt she really expected to be marrying David, especially since he already WAS married, but when she got the opportunity, she did jump on it. I wonder why? Was she desperate and needed someone to support her? From the way it sounds, Nahor was a fairly rich guy. You would think that Abigail would have been at least somewhat independent when he died. Did she come from a family she didn’t want to return to? Obviously, if her father had married her off to Nahor once, he might pick worse a second time. Or maybe she just had no family to return to. Was she older and didn’t think any chance of a better offer would come through? Since she did have kids later with David, I presume she wasn’t all that old. But she really seems eager to go become David’s fifth or seventh or something like that wife.
There’s so many questions left in my mind from reading my Bible… What have you been wondering about lately in your Bible reading?
Monday, April 26, 2010
063: Saying What You Mean
April 19, 2010
Deuteronomy 2&3
I know it’s been awhile since I wrote about something relating to 1 Samuel – I’ll get back to that tomorrow – but first I wanted to hit on this concept that I kept noticing in Deuteronomy today. As a side note, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a bit of a frog when it comes to reading the Bible: I sort of hop around a lot. I like to work my way through a book or two of the Bible, but it doesn’t have to be exclusive. Sometimes I find myself craving some gospel time, or some of Paul’s straightforward teaching, or I want to search out and meditate on a particular theme or passage pertaining to circumstances in my life. I’ll get through the book I’m actually “studying,” but it might not be the quickest route. Someday I might change it, but for now, I like how I approach Bible reading, it keeps it fresh and new and applicable in my life while still maintaining that I DO get to sections that I might not otherwise turn to, and since God doesn’t say that I have to read the Bible cover to cover, I figure I’m free to choose how to approach it.
What I find astonishing about these 2 chapters is how God and Moses interact. They clearly have a close relationship. Over and over the author reports, “God said…” and then quotes God’s conversation to Moses. I’m not sure I’m grasping that: Moses and God had conversations! I mean, of course I realize that I can (and do!) talk to God all the time through praying, and I do believe that God communicates to me through his Word and through the wisdom and insight of other people, and through circumstances and opportunities, and yes, even through that subject “intuition” I sometimes perceive, but I don’t actually have vocalized CONVERATIONS with God. I don’t usually say something, hear a voice saying something back, speak again, hear a response again, etc.
God, as we already know, disciplines the children that he loves and that he considers his own. He clearly loved Moses, because when Moses asks to enter the promise land, God clearly shuts him down over it. And yet, God isn’t without mercy and compassion – he allowed Moses to at least SEE the promise land, which he didn’t have to do.
I was having a conversation on IM tonight with a couple different people, but something I’ve realized and decided for myself is that – particularly in regard to text messaging and IMing – I try to avoid ellipses use. I do this because I feel like ellipses leave something unsaid… They don’t quite finish a thought… Which means the reader is free – and even obliged – to pick their own interpretation from the author’s ambiguity… (did you see how that worked? It makes you think you’re missing something or the author is saying a second meaning other than what they’re actually saying. Kind of frustrating, eh?) Particularly in the realm of guy/girl relationships, ellipses use seems to be in very close proximity to flirting. I don’t mind being able to employ flirting when I want, but I want to make sure I know that I’m flirting if I do. My goal is to not imply things I don’t mean when I communicate. The reason I want to be that way is because I look at interactions between God and people like Moses, and God doesn’t ever use ellipses in the Bible. He doesn’t leave things unsaid or implied. If he means to say something, he says it. I like that about God – he’s not hiding meanings or giving himself an escape route of “but I didn’t SAY that!” when confronted on an issue that has been implied. God just lets his words stand for themselves. I want to be like that.
Deuteronomy 2&3
I know it’s been awhile since I wrote about something relating to 1 Samuel – I’ll get back to that tomorrow – but first I wanted to hit on this concept that I kept noticing in Deuteronomy today. As a side note, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a bit of a frog when it comes to reading the Bible: I sort of hop around a lot. I like to work my way through a book or two of the Bible, but it doesn’t have to be exclusive. Sometimes I find myself craving some gospel time, or some of Paul’s straightforward teaching, or I want to search out and meditate on a particular theme or passage pertaining to circumstances in my life. I’ll get through the book I’m actually “studying,” but it might not be the quickest route. Someday I might change it, but for now, I like how I approach Bible reading, it keeps it fresh and new and applicable in my life while still maintaining that I DO get to sections that I might not otherwise turn to, and since God doesn’t say that I have to read the Bible cover to cover, I figure I’m free to choose how to approach it.
What I find astonishing about these 2 chapters is how God and Moses interact. They clearly have a close relationship. Over and over the author reports, “God said…” and then quotes God’s conversation to Moses. I’m not sure I’m grasping that: Moses and God had conversations! I mean, of course I realize that I can (and do!) talk to God all the time through praying, and I do believe that God communicates to me through his Word and through the wisdom and insight of other people, and through circumstances and opportunities, and yes, even through that subject “intuition” I sometimes perceive, but I don’t actually have vocalized CONVERATIONS with God. I don’t usually say something, hear a voice saying something back, speak again, hear a response again, etc.
God, as we already know, disciplines the children that he loves and that he considers his own. He clearly loved Moses, because when Moses asks to enter the promise land, God clearly shuts him down over it. And yet, God isn’t without mercy and compassion – he allowed Moses to at least SEE the promise land, which he didn’t have to do.
I was having a conversation on IM tonight with a couple different people, but something I’ve realized and decided for myself is that – particularly in regard to text messaging and IMing – I try to avoid ellipses use. I do this because I feel like ellipses leave something unsaid… They don’t quite finish a thought… Which means the reader is free – and even obliged – to pick their own interpretation from the author’s ambiguity… (did you see how that worked? It makes you think you’re missing something or the author is saying a second meaning other than what they’re actually saying. Kind of frustrating, eh?) Particularly in the realm of guy/girl relationships, ellipses use seems to be in very close proximity to flirting. I don’t mind being able to employ flirting when I want, but I want to make sure I know that I’m flirting if I do. My goal is to not imply things I don’t mean when I communicate. The reason I want to be that way is because I look at interactions between God and people like Moses, and God doesn’t ever use ellipses in the Bible. He doesn’t leave things unsaid or implied. If he means to say something, he says it. I like that about God – he’s not hiding meanings or giving himself an escape route of “but I didn’t SAY that!” when confronted on an issue that has been implied. God just lets his words stand for themselves. I want to be like that.
Monday, April 19, 2010
062: Expectations
April 18, 2010
1 Corinthians 4&5
I had coffee with my friend Mollee today before church. She said something that was quite profound to me – she said: “There’s a fine line between expectations and grace.” I think that’s true.
As we were discussing, there are pros and cons to expectations. I think the benefits of expectations is the fact that when you have expectations of someone, you are invested in their life. If you don’t care about them, you have no expectations! But if you do care, then usually you want to see them become something better than what they currently are or do something different than what they currently do. In essence, you are creating a possibility for them in your head, a vision of sorts, and you want to see them attain that.
Unfortunately, people don’t always live up to our expectations of them, regardless of how invested in them we are, and then when they don’t meet our goals for them, we risk being disappointed.
As Mollee pointed out, though, perhaps rather than being disappointed, we should also consider the option of grace. Grace would be when a friend does something that I don’t think they should have done, but realizing that they are human and will fall short of my idealistic outlook on their life, so allowing them to be who they are, mistakes and all.
But there is also a place for disappointment. If people you see great potential in continue to disappoint you, maybe it’s not fair to them to keep extending grace, because often times (unfortunately!) grace makes us lazy. We know that we don’t HAVE to meet the expectations, so we don’t strive for it.
I think the challenge comes in how we handle expectations, disappointment, and grace – especially in communicating those things to each other. For example, do I have a right to be disappointed when I have expectations of someone that I have not clearly communicated? I’m not sure I do. Perhaps it’s not a bad idea for me to communicate that I AM disappointed, and explain that my expectations of them weren’t met, but then immediately show and express the fact that I realize it wasn’t fair of me, and I want to be gracious to them and ask them to be gracious to me.
But then again, I DO want to hold people to expectations, because I feel like sometimes we need to have people believe in us and hold us to higher standards. When we have failed and failed so many times that we’ve stopped believing in ourselves, it’s helpful to have someone who can come along side you and encourage you and convince you that you are capable and, in fact, should attain the potential you have.
But who do we do this to? And under what circumstances? And how closely do we carry it out and keep people accountable? I’m not sure…
1 Corinthians 4&5
I had coffee with my friend Mollee today before church. She said something that was quite profound to me – she said: “There’s a fine line between expectations and grace.” I think that’s true.
As we were discussing, there are pros and cons to expectations. I think the benefits of expectations is the fact that when you have expectations of someone, you are invested in their life. If you don’t care about them, you have no expectations! But if you do care, then usually you want to see them become something better than what they currently are or do something different than what they currently do. In essence, you are creating a possibility for them in your head, a vision of sorts, and you want to see them attain that.
Unfortunately, people don’t always live up to our expectations of them, regardless of how invested in them we are, and then when they don’t meet our goals for them, we risk being disappointed.
As Mollee pointed out, though, perhaps rather than being disappointed, we should also consider the option of grace. Grace would be when a friend does something that I don’t think they should have done, but realizing that they are human and will fall short of my idealistic outlook on their life, so allowing them to be who they are, mistakes and all.
But there is also a place for disappointment. If people you see great potential in continue to disappoint you, maybe it’s not fair to them to keep extending grace, because often times (unfortunately!) grace makes us lazy. We know that we don’t HAVE to meet the expectations, so we don’t strive for it.
I think the challenge comes in how we handle expectations, disappointment, and grace – especially in communicating those things to each other. For example, do I have a right to be disappointed when I have expectations of someone that I have not clearly communicated? I’m not sure I do. Perhaps it’s not a bad idea for me to communicate that I AM disappointed, and explain that my expectations of them weren’t met, but then immediately show and express the fact that I realize it wasn’t fair of me, and I want to be gracious to them and ask them to be gracious to me.
But then again, I DO want to hold people to expectations, because I feel like sometimes we need to have people believe in us and hold us to higher standards. When we have failed and failed so many times that we’ve stopped believing in ourselves, it’s helpful to have someone who can come along side you and encourage you and convince you that you are capable and, in fact, should attain the potential you have.
But who do we do this to? And under what circumstances? And how closely do we carry it out and keep people accountable? I’m not sure…
061: Let's Get Physical
April 17, 2010
John 9:6, Luke 7:36-50, 8:40-56, 13:10-13, 14:1-6, 18:15-17,
Jesus performed a lot of miracles, but I was thinking about touch and the receptors our skin has to feel the pressure of other people’s pressure on our skin, and it caused me to browse through the gospels. I noticed that Luke refers to Jesus touching people quite frequently – I suppose that only makes since, given that he was a doctor himself and was probably somewhat more aware than the average person to the impact of physical touch.
I’m a touchy kind of person. I guess I guard it fairly well – our culture is not particularly touch-friendly, unless you’re with your significant other or among close friends. I generally keep my hands off and a reasonable (Bible length!) distance away from the male species, and I don’t ever touch my students or coworkers. Really, the only people I touch is my friends, strangers when I meet them (shaking hands), and perhaps small children I know when I’m playing with them. But I love touching people and being touched. (And no, I’m not talking weird, creepy touching, I’m just talking in general…)
My older sister is not a touchy person. She never has been. I can only remember a handful of times that she hugged me growing up. My Mom’s the same way. She’s engaged now, and Andrew is much more physically affectionate than she is, so she’s coming out of her shell a bit, but sometimes it still feels awkward and weird to hug her when she comes for a visit or when she’s leaving. My younger sister, on the other hand, is like me and totally comfortable with touching. We’ll sit on a six foot couch together, crammed into one corner with a whole side of our bodies touching while we talk, and neither of us mind it. In fact, I think we prefer it.
My big sister was home for the weekend and I was talking about this interesting little tidbit about me and the fact that I find myself CRAVING physical touch from SOMEone if I go a couple days without being hugged or having my shoulder squeezed or my head patted when I’m around people. My sister thought I was crazy. But then, as she began to understand more of where I was coming from, she did something I thought was really, really demonstrative of her love: she offered to give me a back rub. For a person who isn’t too keen on touching people or being touched, I thought it was incredibly generous of her to do it.
It also reminded me of Jesus. I don’t know how he felt about touching people. Maybe he wasn’t too in to it. But he was generous to touch people when he knew they needed it. Some of the “big” miracles of healing that he seems to do involves touching. I wonder if there is some kind of subtle message in that about the healing power of touch. They say that babies in orphanages don’t develop as well when they aren’t regularly touched by other humans. I think we NEED to touch people – or, at least, I do!
I try to hug my friends when I see them now. It’s a bit selfish, I realize, but I appreciate having that physical confirmation of the fact that they are in my presence, aware of my being, and willing to be vulnerable enough to make contact with me.
Go out and hug someone – they might just need it today!
John 9:6, Luke 7:36-50, 8:40-56, 13:10-13, 14:1-6, 18:15-17,
Jesus performed a lot of miracles, but I was thinking about touch and the receptors our skin has to feel the pressure of other people’s pressure on our skin, and it caused me to browse through the gospels. I noticed that Luke refers to Jesus touching people quite frequently – I suppose that only makes since, given that he was a doctor himself and was probably somewhat more aware than the average person to the impact of physical touch.
I’m a touchy kind of person. I guess I guard it fairly well – our culture is not particularly touch-friendly, unless you’re with your significant other or among close friends. I generally keep my hands off and a reasonable (Bible length!) distance away from the male species, and I don’t ever touch my students or coworkers. Really, the only people I touch is my friends, strangers when I meet them (shaking hands), and perhaps small children I know when I’m playing with them. But I love touching people and being touched. (And no, I’m not talking weird, creepy touching, I’m just talking in general…)
My older sister is not a touchy person. She never has been. I can only remember a handful of times that she hugged me growing up. My Mom’s the same way. She’s engaged now, and Andrew is much more physically affectionate than she is, so she’s coming out of her shell a bit, but sometimes it still feels awkward and weird to hug her when she comes for a visit or when she’s leaving. My younger sister, on the other hand, is like me and totally comfortable with touching. We’ll sit on a six foot couch together, crammed into one corner with a whole side of our bodies touching while we talk, and neither of us mind it. In fact, I think we prefer it.
My big sister was home for the weekend and I was talking about this interesting little tidbit about me and the fact that I find myself CRAVING physical touch from SOMEone if I go a couple days without being hugged or having my shoulder squeezed or my head patted when I’m around people. My sister thought I was crazy. But then, as she began to understand more of where I was coming from, she did something I thought was really, really demonstrative of her love: she offered to give me a back rub. For a person who isn’t too keen on touching people or being touched, I thought it was incredibly generous of her to do it.
It also reminded me of Jesus. I don’t know how he felt about touching people. Maybe he wasn’t too in to it. But he was generous to touch people when he knew they needed it. Some of the “big” miracles of healing that he seems to do involves touching. I wonder if there is some kind of subtle message in that about the healing power of touch. They say that babies in orphanages don’t develop as well when they aren’t regularly touched by other humans. I think we NEED to touch people – or, at least, I do!
I try to hug my friends when I see them now. It’s a bit selfish, I realize, but I appreciate having that physical confirmation of the fact that they are in my presence, aware of my being, and willing to be vulnerable enough to make contact with me.
Go out and hug someone – they might just need it today!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
060: Spiritual Slice'n'Dice
April 16, 2010
Matthew 7
I love Jesus’ talk to his disciples “on the mountainside.” I love mountains, and I love the direct, authoritative, straightforward way that Jesus dialogues. I find myself coming back to the gospels – and especially this section in Matthew – when I feel like I just need to hear what Jesus would say to me for where I’m at in life.
I read this chapter several times in the last 24 hours and I’ve been convicted by it on multiple levels. While I’m terrible about making up my mind on certain things (like what to order at a restaurant – I absolutely HATE that process), there are some things I can decide quickly on. Like how people should be doing things different in their lives. And how people are wrong in what their doing. And what I should say to them that would presumably fix all their problems if they would just LISTEN to me. Hm. Sound familiar? Like… Pride? Ugh.
There’s just so much in this chapter I wish I grasped better and REALLY integrated into my life. Does anyone else seem to struggle with this issue of amnesia as much as I do? “Do not judge others and you will not be judged.” That seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? Do I remember it? Uh, no. Not really. I do when other people are judging me, but when I’m judging others, I don’t.
“Keep on seeking and you will find…” Seems promising, doesn’t it? But do I remember to keep praying for the same thing? Or do I find myself giving up on asking God and instead growing bitter and resentful? That’s usually the case. I just disgust myself sometimes.
And then comes the killer: “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” I am ashamed to say that I don’t live that out. I speak sharply to friends, I ignore my family’s requests, I resent the inconvenience of other people, and yet I expect people to say kind things about me, I expect my family to want to fulfill my needs, and I expect others to be delighted to go out of their way for me – for the simple pleasure of serving.
When I read it and pay attention to it, I’m sobered and humbled, and driven to my knees when I read “Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.” AM I doing His will? AM I “[loving] the Lord [my] God with ALL [my] heart, ALL [my] soul, ALL [my] mind, and ALL [my] strength. I don’t think so.
Why does God still want me? Why does He value me and cherish me? Why does He keep working in my life to convict me and make me more like Himself? Why does He want to spend eternity with me? Why does He care?
I’m not sure. But I’m glad He does. And I’m EVER so thankful for His promise of new mercies every morning.
Matthew 7
I love Jesus’ talk to his disciples “on the mountainside.” I love mountains, and I love the direct, authoritative, straightforward way that Jesus dialogues. I find myself coming back to the gospels – and especially this section in Matthew – when I feel like I just need to hear what Jesus would say to me for where I’m at in life.
I read this chapter several times in the last 24 hours and I’ve been convicted by it on multiple levels. While I’m terrible about making up my mind on certain things (like what to order at a restaurant – I absolutely HATE that process), there are some things I can decide quickly on. Like how people should be doing things different in their lives. And how people are wrong in what their doing. And what I should say to them that would presumably fix all their problems if they would just LISTEN to me. Hm. Sound familiar? Like… Pride? Ugh.
There’s just so much in this chapter I wish I grasped better and REALLY integrated into my life. Does anyone else seem to struggle with this issue of amnesia as much as I do? “Do not judge others and you will not be judged.” That seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? Do I remember it? Uh, no. Not really. I do when other people are judging me, but when I’m judging others, I don’t.
“Keep on seeking and you will find…” Seems promising, doesn’t it? But do I remember to keep praying for the same thing? Or do I find myself giving up on asking God and instead growing bitter and resentful? That’s usually the case. I just disgust myself sometimes.
And then comes the killer: “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” I am ashamed to say that I don’t live that out. I speak sharply to friends, I ignore my family’s requests, I resent the inconvenience of other people, and yet I expect people to say kind things about me, I expect my family to want to fulfill my needs, and I expect others to be delighted to go out of their way for me – for the simple pleasure of serving.
When I read it and pay attention to it, I’m sobered and humbled, and driven to my knees when I read “Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.” AM I doing His will? AM I “[loving] the Lord [my] God with ALL [my] heart, ALL [my] soul, ALL [my] mind, and ALL [my] strength. I don’t think so.
Why does God still want me? Why does He value me and cherish me? Why does He keep working in my life to convict me and make me more like Himself? Why does He want to spend eternity with me? Why does He care?
I’m not sure. But I’m glad He does. And I’m EVER so thankful for His promise of new mercies every morning.
059: Naked Soul Friendships
April 15, 2010
1 Samuel 20
I know this was part of the readings 2 days ago, but I was just reading over this chapter again as I was thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Bethany tonight. Bethany rode down with me to my jiujitsu class, except I ended up being late picking her up, which meant I was going to be late to the class, and I hadn’t eaten anything, so after I dropped her off to spend time with her friends, I went to Subway and got a sandwich (I ate a whole footlong in about 7 minutes flat! That’s what I get for not eating for 9 hours during the day!) and read my Bible.
Bethany and I had a great chat on the way home, and we sat in her driveway for at least 45 minutes continuing to converse.
When I meet people who I just connect with and who seem to “get” me (see yesterday’s entry!), I feel SO blessed. Bethany is one of those people who is blessing me these days. We are similar in many ways – both adventurers, both missions-oriented, both second-children, both artistic, both readers, both journalers, both conversationalists, etc – and sometimes when she talks, I feel like she’s saying the words in my heart.
I think Jonathan and David probably had that kind of relationship – except Bethany and I have kind of just recently re-discovered each other. I think Jonathan and David might have started off where Bethany and I are – both soldiers, both responsible for things their fathers entrusted to them, both pure of heart – but their friendship became even stronger and more valuable to each other.
Bethany is an encourager, and sometimes I hate how badly I seem to need encouragement. As she was speaking to me in the car tonight, I had to blink back tears, just because her words were SO sweet to hear. I wonder, sometimes, if I’ll ever get OVER the need to find approval and be valued for who I am and what I have to contribute to any given situation. When people I care about and respect judge me and find me wanting, it’s crushing. Bethany was speaking life into a part of my soul that feels like it’s become a bit like hamburger meat.
I’m not sure there’s anything sweeter than praying with someone you love, especially when you’ve both barred your soul and shared yourself with the other person. I read a book once called “The Naked Soul” and I loved how it encouraged community and sharing and honesty and vulnerability with each other, and I longed for that in my life. In looking at my friendships with Bethany and Amber and Mollee and Kindra and Melanie and Adam and Bri and Sarah and my sisters, I can see how He has been providing that. He’s given me people who I feel comfortable being completely honest with, and it’s teaching me that honesty is really, really helpful for building those communities.
I am so thankful for “Naked Soul Friendships” right now. Even when I crave more companionship and more intimacy with people, I know that God has been richly blessing me.
1 Samuel 20
I know this was part of the readings 2 days ago, but I was just reading over this chapter again as I was thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Bethany tonight. Bethany rode down with me to my jiujitsu class, except I ended up being late picking her up, which meant I was going to be late to the class, and I hadn’t eaten anything, so after I dropped her off to spend time with her friends, I went to Subway and got a sandwich (I ate a whole footlong in about 7 minutes flat! That’s what I get for not eating for 9 hours during the day!) and read my Bible.
Bethany and I had a great chat on the way home, and we sat in her driveway for at least 45 minutes continuing to converse.
When I meet people who I just connect with and who seem to “get” me (see yesterday’s entry!), I feel SO blessed. Bethany is one of those people who is blessing me these days. We are similar in many ways – both adventurers, both missions-oriented, both second-children, both artistic, both readers, both journalers, both conversationalists, etc – and sometimes when she talks, I feel like she’s saying the words in my heart.
I think Jonathan and David probably had that kind of relationship – except Bethany and I have kind of just recently re-discovered each other. I think Jonathan and David might have started off where Bethany and I are – both soldiers, both responsible for things their fathers entrusted to them, both pure of heart – but their friendship became even stronger and more valuable to each other.
Bethany is an encourager, and sometimes I hate how badly I seem to need encouragement. As she was speaking to me in the car tonight, I had to blink back tears, just because her words were SO sweet to hear. I wonder, sometimes, if I’ll ever get OVER the need to find approval and be valued for who I am and what I have to contribute to any given situation. When people I care about and respect judge me and find me wanting, it’s crushing. Bethany was speaking life into a part of my soul that feels like it’s become a bit like hamburger meat.
I’m not sure there’s anything sweeter than praying with someone you love, especially when you’ve both barred your soul and shared yourself with the other person. I read a book once called “The Naked Soul” and I loved how it encouraged community and sharing and honesty and vulnerability with each other, and I longed for that in my life. In looking at my friendships with Bethany and Amber and Mollee and Kindra and Melanie and Adam and Bri and Sarah and my sisters, I can see how He has been providing that. He’s given me people who I feel comfortable being completely honest with, and it’s teaching me that honesty is really, really helpful for building those communities.
I am so thankful for “Naked Soul Friendships” right now. Even when I crave more companionship and more intimacy with people, I know that God has been richly blessing me.
058: The Value of Knowing
April 14, 2010
Matthew 22:15-22, 26:6-13
One of the things I love about Jesus is that he knows me. It’s a scary thing – knowing that the creator of the universe, the sovereign God, the time-transcending being who sees all with perfect clarity and understanding, KNOWS my thoughts, my motives, my actions, my words, my weaknesses – but it’s also comforting. It’s back to that whole intimacy thing. I want to be known. What I struggle with is the mindset that I have of, “If no one else knows me, at least Jesus does!” when I SHOULD have the mindset of, “It doesn’t matter if anyone else knows me, Jesus does!”
I’m convinced that most people probably feel the way I feel, even if they should be feeling the way I should feel.
I see this in my students a lot. Today one of my students had a rough day and wasn’t doing much to contribute toward his learning. He was also distracting the other students – and me – and I had to get after him about “good attention” versus “bad attention” (thank you, Uncle Scott for that lecture on repeat in elementary school!). I didn’t come down hard enough on him, and finally one of my other students snapped, and he blew up in response, and I had to kick him out, and it was a mess. But after he left, I had a good talk with the other students about learning styles and personality types, etc.
Since I’m a big fan of the Myers-Briggs/Jungian Typology, I was outlining the basic premises of how the four spectrums work. I explained that some people prefer to be around people, and thus they might learn better in a group setting where they can talk and joke while they learn. Others need more quiet and solitude to process information and make connections, and they don’t want to be in groups to learn.
I try to always provide examples for my students whenever I discuss these abstract theories, because I know that I grasp things better when I make tangible connections. Since this crew is used to each other, I try to use them as examples for themselves. One of my skater boys is an extrovert, while one of my new stay-at-home-mom’s is definitely an introvert. One of my ladies likes to work with crafty things, such as beadwork and sewing, and another of my boys was a great visionary and thinker.
I’ve done some analysis of my students before and asked them how close to the mark they felt I got, and the response has been absolutely overwhelmingly in favor of me doing these types of exercises. Today while I was talking about Blake, my skater boy, he was just beaming as I used him as an example. Even if my analysis isn’t completely accurate, my students still seem to love the idea that I care about them enough to TRY to know them.
I think maybe this is more significant than I think it is. People really feel loved and valued when you notice them, you notice their preferences or tendencies or quirks or strengths, and when you can address those with them specifically. I have a feeling Jesus was kind of detail oriented like that. I need to work on it more!
Matthew 22:15-22, 26:6-13
One of the things I love about Jesus is that he knows me. It’s a scary thing – knowing that the creator of the universe, the sovereign God, the time-transcending being who sees all with perfect clarity and understanding, KNOWS my thoughts, my motives, my actions, my words, my weaknesses – but it’s also comforting. It’s back to that whole intimacy thing. I want to be known. What I struggle with is the mindset that I have of, “If no one else knows me, at least Jesus does!” when I SHOULD have the mindset of, “It doesn’t matter if anyone else knows me, Jesus does!”
I’m convinced that most people probably feel the way I feel, even if they should be feeling the way I should feel.
I see this in my students a lot. Today one of my students had a rough day and wasn’t doing much to contribute toward his learning. He was also distracting the other students – and me – and I had to get after him about “good attention” versus “bad attention” (thank you, Uncle Scott for that lecture on repeat in elementary school!). I didn’t come down hard enough on him, and finally one of my other students snapped, and he blew up in response, and I had to kick him out, and it was a mess. But after he left, I had a good talk with the other students about learning styles and personality types, etc.
Since I’m a big fan of the Myers-Briggs/Jungian Typology, I was outlining the basic premises of how the four spectrums work. I explained that some people prefer to be around people, and thus they might learn better in a group setting where they can talk and joke while they learn. Others need more quiet and solitude to process information and make connections, and they don’t want to be in groups to learn.
I try to always provide examples for my students whenever I discuss these abstract theories, because I know that I grasp things better when I make tangible connections. Since this crew is used to each other, I try to use them as examples for themselves. One of my skater boys is an extrovert, while one of my new stay-at-home-mom’s is definitely an introvert. One of my ladies likes to work with crafty things, such as beadwork and sewing, and another of my boys was a great visionary and thinker.
I’ve done some analysis of my students before and asked them how close to the mark they felt I got, and the response has been absolutely overwhelmingly in favor of me doing these types of exercises. Today while I was talking about Blake, my skater boy, he was just beaming as I used him as an example. Even if my analysis isn’t completely accurate, my students still seem to love the idea that I care about them enough to TRY to know them.
I think maybe this is more significant than I think it is. People really feel loved and valued when you notice them, you notice their preferences or tendencies or quirks or strengths, and when you can address those with them specifically. I have a feeling Jesus was kind of detail oriented like that. I need to work on it more!
057: Jonathan
April 13, 2010
1 Samuel 18 & 20
Tonight at The Vine – the college/post college aged Bible Study/community group I attend – we were looking at Jonathan and his character. I’ve noticed Jonathan in the past, but tonight I was struck again by how much I’m impressed with him.
As the king’s oldest son, Jonathan was the crown prince, and thus could have (maybe even should have) felt entitled to authority, power, popularity, etc. But he had the vision of a bigger picture – the picture of what God was doing, more than just what he was doing.
I want to have that kind of vision in my life.
Jonathan saw that God was choosing to replace his family with David’s family, and rather than throw a fit about it – or just walk away, which he could have done – he chose instead to support and help what God was doing. He loved David and did whatever he could to support him, even when he had to choose between David and his own father.
Something that Amber said tonight was striking to me: she said that character is displayed both by what we do and by what we don’t do. I’ve heard character described as “who you are and what you do in the dark when no one is looking,” but I hadn’t thought about it in her terms before. I know that in my own life I’m very, very often of either not doing something when I should do it, or doing something when I shouldn’t.
I am challenged by Jonathan to consider more carefully what I should do or what I shouldn’t do. I want to be a woman of character, but far too often I say things I shouldn’t say, take up offense when I shouldn’t, think I’m entitled to something when I’m not, and demand rights I have no justification to demand.
Oh, how sick of myself I get sometimes! I’m just ready for Jesus to return – for my own selfish sake. But I know that when I look at the world and my life in the scope of God’s big picture, I need to be MORE eager to share Jesus with the people around me AND continue to be transformed by His work in my life.
I kind of just wish I could sit down and have a conversation with Jonathan sometime. Maybe I’ll ask him if he’d have coffee with me when I get to heaven someday.
1 Samuel 18 & 20
Tonight at The Vine – the college/post college aged Bible Study/community group I attend – we were looking at Jonathan and his character. I’ve noticed Jonathan in the past, but tonight I was struck again by how much I’m impressed with him.
As the king’s oldest son, Jonathan was the crown prince, and thus could have (maybe even should have) felt entitled to authority, power, popularity, etc. But he had the vision of a bigger picture – the picture of what God was doing, more than just what he was doing.
I want to have that kind of vision in my life.
Jonathan saw that God was choosing to replace his family with David’s family, and rather than throw a fit about it – or just walk away, which he could have done – he chose instead to support and help what God was doing. He loved David and did whatever he could to support him, even when he had to choose between David and his own father.
Something that Amber said tonight was striking to me: she said that character is displayed both by what we do and by what we don’t do. I’ve heard character described as “who you are and what you do in the dark when no one is looking,” but I hadn’t thought about it in her terms before. I know that in my own life I’m very, very often of either not doing something when I should do it, or doing something when I shouldn’t.
I am challenged by Jonathan to consider more carefully what I should do or what I shouldn’t do. I want to be a woman of character, but far too often I say things I shouldn’t say, take up offense when I shouldn’t, think I’m entitled to something when I’m not, and demand rights I have no justification to demand.
Oh, how sick of myself I get sometimes! I’m just ready for Jesus to return – for my own selfish sake. But I know that when I look at the world and my life in the scope of God’s big picture, I need to be MORE eager to share Jesus with the people around me AND continue to be transformed by His work in my life.
I kind of just wish I could sit down and have a conversation with Jonathan sometime. Maybe I’ll ask him if he’d have coffee with me when I get to heaven someday.
056: God's Good Looking Servants
April 12, 2010
1 Samuel 16:1-13
Good looking people always intimidate me a little. I know a couple – their names are Cameron and Ashley – and they have got to be one of the best looking couples I’ve ever known. Cameron is tall, broad shouldered, tan, with perfectly styled hair, dimples, and striking eyes. Ashley is a tiny, petite little thing who looks about 15, with expertly applied make up, warm eyes, and a smile that would melt the hardest of hearts.
Together they’re like the perfect, ideal little high-school couple. Cam looks like the starting quarterback and Ash looks like the head cheerleader.
When I first met them, I thought to myself, “There is no way they can be as cool as they seem to project.” I’ve been known to be biased against really, really good looking people before. I feel like they probably always had things come fairly easily to them – because everyone tends to like nice looking people – and I figured that good looks exhibited a lack of character.
I think what’s cool about this passage in 1 Samuel is that God uses it to remind me that I really should not and cannot judge a book by its cover. I mean, I’m not sure I’m a highly looks-oriented person (expect , obviously, a prejudice against them!): I don’t own the latest styles, I know my hair always looks a little wild and wrong, I leave the house without makeup quite frequently, and my shoes are really atrocious. I am obviously not a “cool” or “in” person in a crowd. I tend to think that people who are good looking cannot possibly be in MY version of cool.
Cameron and Ashley defied that in my life, which just so happens to align with these verses. God uses people who are, by the world’s standards incredibly beautiful, just like he uses people with weird quirks (and let’s admit it, there are some quirky looking people out there…). God chose David, and David was a man after God’s own heart, AND incredibly good looking.
I don’t know why, but I just find that interesting. I guess it’s just a reminder, once again, that God can use anyone he wants to for his purpose… And, in fact, he uses everyone for his greater purpose – whether now or in the future. That’s a big thought for my little head tonight.
1 Samuel 16:1-13
Good looking people always intimidate me a little. I know a couple – their names are Cameron and Ashley – and they have got to be one of the best looking couples I’ve ever known. Cameron is tall, broad shouldered, tan, with perfectly styled hair, dimples, and striking eyes. Ashley is a tiny, petite little thing who looks about 15, with expertly applied make up, warm eyes, and a smile that would melt the hardest of hearts.
Together they’re like the perfect, ideal little high-school couple. Cam looks like the starting quarterback and Ash looks like the head cheerleader.
When I first met them, I thought to myself, “There is no way they can be as cool as they seem to project.” I’ve been known to be biased against really, really good looking people before. I feel like they probably always had things come fairly easily to them – because everyone tends to like nice looking people – and I figured that good looks exhibited a lack of character.
I think what’s cool about this passage in 1 Samuel is that God uses it to remind me that I really should not and cannot judge a book by its cover. I mean, I’m not sure I’m a highly looks-oriented person (expect , obviously, a prejudice against them!): I don’t own the latest styles, I know my hair always looks a little wild and wrong, I leave the house without makeup quite frequently, and my shoes are really atrocious. I am obviously not a “cool” or “in” person in a crowd. I tend to think that people who are good looking cannot possibly be in MY version of cool.
Cameron and Ashley defied that in my life, which just so happens to align with these verses. God uses people who are, by the world’s standards incredibly beautiful, just like he uses people with weird quirks (and let’s admit it, there are some quirky looking people out there…). God chose David, and David was a man after God’s own heart, AND incredibly good looking.
I don’t know why, but I just find that interesting. I guess it’s just a reminder, once again, that God can use anyone he wants to for his purpose… And, in fact, he uses everyone for his greater purpose – whether now or in the future. That’s a big thought for my little head tonight.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
055: The Company of Hymns
April 11, 2010
1 Samuel 15
It’s strange to me how easily my emotions and feelings can change. Maybe strange isn’t the right word – it’s more like disturbing. I don’t like that my perspective on life can be so altered. I wish I was better at distancing myself from my feelings. It would be a lot easier, I think!
Tonight I’m in a bit of a funk. Fortunately, because of this modern, technological era I live in, communicating with people is never more than a text message away… and I have a couple friends who are texting addicts and I can usually count on them to respond to me fairly fast, thereby making me feel like SOMEone out there is tuning in to my frequency and is listening.
I just sent a four “page” (ie, 160 characters) text to my friend Adam, who has turned out to be a very gracious listener, about some current frustrations with myself after a phone conversation with someone. The gist of what I wrote was annoyance with the fact that what I WANT to want isn’t want I actually want, and I’m discontent about what I don’t have and irritated about what I’m NOT wanting, even though I want to want it.
After I texted him, I remembered something my African Dad once told me about: he’ll take a day or two or three to go out into the woods to spend time with Jesus. He takes water, his Bible, his journal, and a hymn book or song book.
Just this morning I was scribbling down some of my favorite hymns from my church’s hymn book, and just tonight I met with a couple other local songwriters and we were talking about lyrics with meaning, and just now I was reading 1 Samuel 15 which twice specifically references Samuel’s agony and grief over Saul’s actions and rejection of God’s commandments.
It all combined to make me think of one of my favorite hymns (I have a lot of these – get used to that phrase!) and the powerful lyrics that always seem to sooth my soul and encourage me through the reminder that someone, somewhere else in time probably felt some of the feelings I feel now. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me to re-read the words of “Abide with Me”:
Abide with me: fast falls the eventide; The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide: When other helpers fail, and comforts flee, Help of the helpless, O abide with me!
Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day; Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away; Change and decay in all around I see: O Thou who changes not, abide with me!
I need Thy presence ev’ry passing hour: What by Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power? Who like Thyself my guide and stay can be? Thro’ cloud and sunshine, O abide with me!
Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes; Shine thro’ the gloom, and point me to the skies: Heav’n’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee – In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me!
1 Samuel 15
It’s strange to me how easily my emotions and feelings can change. Maybe strange isn’t the right word – it’s more like disturbing. I don’t like that my perspective on life can be so altered. I wish I was better at distancing myself from my feelings. It would be a lot easier, I think!
Tonight I’m in a bit of a funk. Fortunately, because of this modern, technological era I live in, communicating with people is never more than a text message away… and I have a couple friends who are texting addicts and I can usually count on them to respond to me fairly fast, thereby making me feel like SOMEone out there is tuning in to my frequency and is listening.
I just sent a four “page” (ie, 160 characters) text to my friend Adam, who has turned out to be a very gracious listener, about some current frustrations with myself after a phone conversation with someone. The gist of what I wrote was annoyance with the fact that what I WANT to want isn’t want I actually want, and I’m discontent about what I don’t have and irritated about what I’m NOT wanting, even though I want to want it.
After I texted him, I remembered something my African Dad once told me about: he’ll take a day or two or three to go out into the woods to spend time with Jesus. He takes water, his Bible, his journal, and a hymn book or song book.
Just this morning I was scribbling down some of my favorite hymns from my church’s hymn book, and just tonight I met with a couple other local songwriters and we were talking about lyrics with meaning, and just now I was reading 1 Samuel 15 which twice specifically references Samuel’s agony and grief over Saul’s actions and rejection of God’s commandments.
It all combined to make me think of one of my favorite hymns (I have a lot of these – get used to that phrase!) and the powerful lyrics that always seem to sooth my soul and encourage me through the reminder that someone, somewhere else in time probably felt some of the feelings I feel now. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me to re-read the words of “Abide with Me”:
Abide with me: fast falls the eventide; The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide: When other helpers fail, and comforts flee, Help of the helpless, O abide with me!
Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day; Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away; Change and decay in all around I see: O Thou who changes not, abide with me!
I need Thy presence ev’ry passing hour: What by Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power? Who like Thyself my guide and stay can be? Thro’ cloud and sunshine, O abide with me!
Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes; Shine thro’ the gloom, and point me to the skies: Heav’n’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee – In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me!
054: Legacy
April 10, 2010
Proverbs 31:10-31
My Mom went to a funeral today of a woman who was the mother of one of her friends. Linda, my family’s friend, is a single mom of four kids living in inner-city Minneapolis loving on people and transforming her world one project at a time. I’ve always admired Linda – she has a PhD which, as a wanna-be academic, is just cool. But even more cool than her degree is the fact that she’s never married, but she chose to adopt four girls from Haiti and raise on her own. And almost as cool is that is the fact that she buys real estate at rock bottom prices because the property is just a mess – blood stains from murders, misshapen fences from where prostitutes leave their infant children to go have sex with their customers, etc – restores it, and either sells it or rents it out to upstanding citizens, so her neighborhood doesn’t have to be a typical inner-city neighborhood. That’s guts, gumption, and God-oriented vision!
Linda’s mom, from what my Mom was saying, sounded like she was cut from the same cloth as Linda. Her husband – Linda’s dad – had multiple sclerosis for 29 years, and Linda’s mom took care of him every day while raising their family. She couldn’t work, because she wanted to be home with her husband, so she bought and sold real estate on the side to support her family. She was a tough but fair business woman, she had an absolute open-door policy and made Sunday dinner for several families to come over after church each week, she had a van specially designed for her so she could take her husband with her anywhere she wanted to go, and she never once complained about getting the short end of the stick.
Her husband would come with her to the kids’ sporting events, he’d sit with the family every meal, even when he couldn’t eat the food they ate, and she made him an active and normal part of her life and her children’s life, despite his debilitating disease.
As my Mom was telling me all about this woman, I can’t help but be impressed. I hope that I can be half that kind of a woman – I hope I am servant-hearted, savvy, solid, and selfless like Linda’s Mom.
The Proverbs 31 woman, which always seems to be one of those “haunting characters” of Christianity, certainly seems to have been at least a similar type woman to Linda’s Mom. Clearly her nobility and character was something that warranted praise ALL the days of her life… and, in fact, well beyond.
Are you becoming the kind of person you want to be remembered as being after you die?
Proverbs 31:10-31
My Mom went to a funeral today of a woman who was the mother of one of her friends. Linda, my family’s friend, is a single mom of four kids living in inner-city Minneapolis loving on people and transforming her world one project at a time. I’ve always admired Linda – she has a PhD which, as a wanna-be academic, is just cool. But even more cool than her degree is the fact that she’s never married, but she chose to adopt four girls from Haiti and raise on her own. And almost as cool is that is the fact that she buys real estate at rock bottom prices because the property is just a mess – blood stains from murders, misshapen fences from where prostitutes leave their infant children to go have sex with their customers, etc – restores it, and either sells it or rents it out to upstanding citizens, so her neighborhood doesn’t have to be a typical inner-city neighborhood. That’s guts, gumption, and God-oriented vision!
Linda’s mom, from what my Mom was saying, sounded like she was cut from the same cloth as Linda. Her husband – Linda’s dad – had multiple sclerosis for 29 years, and Linda’s mom took care of him every day while raising their family. She couldn’t work, because she wanted to be home with her husband, so she bought and sold real estate on the side to support her family. She was a tough but fair business woman, she had an absolute open-door policy and made Sunday dinner for several families to come over after church each week, she had a van specially designed for her so she could take her husband with her anywhere she wanted to go, and she never once complained about getting the short end of the stick.
Her husband would come with her to the kids’ sporting events, he’d sit with the family every meal, even when he couldn’t eat the food they ate, and she made him an active and normal part of her life and her children’s life, despite his debilitating disease.
As my Mom was telling me all about this woman, I can’t help but be impressed. I hope that I can be half that kind of a woman – I hope I am servant-hearted, savvy, solid, and selfless like Linda’s Mom.
The Proverbs 31 woman, which always seems to be one of those “haunting characters” of Christianity, certainly seems to have been at least a similar type woman to Linda’s Mom. Clearly her nobility and character was something that warranted praise ALL the days of her life… and, in fact, well beyond.
Are you becoming the kind of person you want to be remembered as being after you die?
053: Mentors
April 9, 2010
1 Samuel 13:8-14
The story of Saul always kind of made me sad. It just doesn’t necessarily feel fair that he gets kicked out of the contender for the monarchy of Israel long term because he messed up a couple times. This is where my issues with grace come in – I know that God has lots of it, but when am I counting on too much?? I’m not sure.
As I just reread this passage, though, I was reminded of an excellent article I read today about mentoring. The author of this article relayed the story of how he came to be mentored by a man named Bill. He wanted a mentor, so he asked around his church and other Christian leaders in the community who they most felt exhibited the characteristics of Jesus. All of them said “Bill,” so the author approached Bill about being his mentor. Bill didn’t respond, instead he took a week or so to pray about it. When he came back to the author, he agreed to be the mentor with conditions:
They would meet every Tuesday morning at 5:30AM, and the first week of the month the author was to bring his checkbook and credit card statement and they’d go through his finances together to make sure he was honoring God with his finances. The second Tuesday, the author was to bring his calendar and they’d go through how he scheduled his time and make sure he was prioritizing the right responsibilities. Before the third week, Bill asked permission to call the author’s kids to hear their perspective on how their father was fathering them so they could talk about parenting at their weekly meeting. The fourth week of the month Bill got to call the author’s wife and hear her perspective on her marriage and what kind of husband the author was being, and then Bill would talk to the author at their morning meeting. If there was a fifth Tuesday of the month, Bill had permission to call the author’s boss and coworkers to ask about his work on the job.
Bill kept the author accountable when he was traveling by having the author have the front desk call him after they’d turned off pornographic channels to his room. Bill also got up an hour earlier on Tuesdays to pray for the author and the author’s family. But most impressive to me is the fact that the first week Bill and the author met, the author pulled out his checkbook and credit card statement, nervous about a couple things he’d bought that he didn’t feel like he really should have bought, and Bill pulled out his checkbook and credit card statement as well so they could go through it all together.
I think that the mark of a true mentor is what the author said of Bill: he never asked the author to do something that he wasn’t willing to do himself, and he never asked the author to change something he wasn’t first willing to change in his own life. It sounds like Bill was the kind of amazing mentor we wish we all could have – at least, I definitely wish I had someone like that in my life! But then I realized, rather than bemoaning that I don’t have someone like that to meet me weekly, I want to strive to become like that so someday I can be a blessing to someone like Bill is to the author.
I used to feel bad for Saul, but then I look at the potential for a great mentor that he had in Samuel. Should we not take a hold of the opportunities we have for growth? Whether there’s a mentor or not? Sure, Samuel wasn’t perfect or always present in Saul’s life, but that doesn’t mean Saul couldn’t have hung in there on his own awhile… Maybe I need to do that too.
1 Samuel 13:8-14
The story of Saul always kind of made me sad. It just doesn’t necessarily feel fair that he gets kicked out of the contender for the monarchy of Israel long term because he messed up a couple times. This is where my issues with grace come in – I know that God has lots of it, but when am I counting on too much?? I’m not sure.
As I just reread this passage, though, I was reminded of an excellent article I read today about mentoring. The author of this article relayed the story of how he came to be mentored by a man named Bill. He wanted a mentor, so he asked around his church and other Christian leaders in the community who they most felt exhibited the characteristics of Jesus. All of them said “Bill,” so the author approached Bill about being his mentor. Bill didn’t respond, instead he took a week or so to pray about it. When he came back to the author, he agreed to be the mentor with conditions:
They would meet every Tuesday morning at 5:30AM, and the first week of the month the author was to bring his checkbook and credit card statement and they’d go through his finances together to make sure he was honoring God with his finances. The second Tuesday, the author was to bring his calendar and they’d go through how he scheduled his time and make sure he was prioritizing the right responsibilities. Before the third week, Bill asked permission to call the author’s kids to hear their perspective on how their father was fathering them so they could talk about parenting at their weekly meeting. The fourth week of the month Bill got to call the author’s wife and hear her perspective on her marriage and what kind of husband the author was being, and then Bill would talk to the author at their morning meeting. If there was a fifth Tuesday of the month, Bill had permission to call the author’s boss and coworkers to ask about his work on the job.
Bill kept the author accountable when he was traveling by having the author have the front desk call him after they’d turned off pornographic channels to his room. Bill also got up an hour earlier on Tuesdays to pray for the author and the author’s family. But most impressive to me is the fact that the first week Bill and the author met, the author pulled out his checkbook and credit card statement, nervous about a couple things he’d bought that he didn’t feel like he really should have bought, and Bill pulled out his checkbook and credit card statement as well so they could go through it all together.
I think that the mark of a true mentor is what the author said of Bill: he never asked the author to do something that he wasn’t willing to do himself, and he never asked the author to change something he wasn’t first willing to change in his own life. It sounds like Bill was the kind of amazing mentor we wish we all could have – at least, I definitely wish I had someone like that in my life! But then I realized, rather than bemoaning that I don’t have someone like that to meet me weekly, I want to strive to become like that so someday I can be a blessing to someone like Bill is to the author.
I used to feel bad for Saul, but then I look at the potential for a great mentor that he had in Samuel. Should we not take a hold of the opportunities we have for growth? Whether there’s a mentor or not? Sure, Samuel wasn’t perfect or always present in Saul’s life, but that doesn’t mean Saul couldn’t have hung in there on his own awhile… Maybe I need to do that too.
052: Coworkers/Cofighters
April 8, 2010
1 Samuel 13:1-7
I have an office on campus that I share with at least five other people. We have two computers, four desks, four chairs, and a lot of good times. Because we’re all adjunct faculty, we all have different schedules, but I regularly see at least two of my coworkers, both of which teach the same course I do, and I have the honor of being able to pick their teacher brains for ideas and wisdom.
I love my job. It seems like just about the perfect job for me right now. Granted, I don’t always like reading papers, and I get a little tired of the 5:30AM alarm every morning, but I get to socialized and interact with students, faculty, and staff on campus, I get to challenge myself to come up with new and innovative lessons and teaching methods, and I get to pour my creative and mental energy into making the subjects I teach interesting and applicable while also fulfilling the requirements of what I need to teach.
This passage from 1st Samuel makes me think of movies like Band of Brothers and other war-type storylines where people come together and form a team. I think that’s one of the greatest blessings God has given us – the ability to collaborate, draw support from each other, garnish ideas off each other, and together, accomplish something greater than any one of us could do alone.
Granted, Saul’s army isn’t so great in this passage, but I’m sure there were lots of nights of sitting around the campfires, sharing stories, sharing water sacks, offering tips on how to better lace their sandals, etc. It kind of makes me wish I could time travel back to Bible times and just sit around with some of the soldiers for a couple evenings. I would like to know the soldiers. It seems like so frequently the soldiers of Israel just get collectively referred to, and they don’t get their individual stories shared. I wish I could fill in those gaps.
By the end of a class, my goal is to make my classroom feel like a band of soldiers having gone through many nights of swapping stories under the stars. Granted, I can’t make my students “gel” with each other, but as a person who loves hospitality and enjoys making people feel at home, I want my classroom to feel like a homey, haven of sorts. One of my teachers in college – Ann Williamson, the instructor of Intro to Education – did an amazing job at making the classroom feel like “home.” I remember that I loved going to her class – I always could feel some of my stress going away when I walked through the doors.
I want to challenge my students – after all, every good team needs a challenge to see if they have what it takes for them to come out in the way they want to come out – but I also want to encourage them to build those fellow-fighter type relationships. And I am so thankful for the people who are with me in the academic trenches, helping me along as we go through this college world.
1 Samuel 13:1-7
I have an office on campus that I share with at least five other people. We have two computers, four desks, four chairs, and a lot of good times. Because we’re all adjunct faculty, we all have different schedules, but I regularly see at least two of my coworkers, both of which teach the same course I do, and I have the honor of being able to pick their teacher brains for ideas and wisdom.
I love my job. It seems like just about the perfect job for me right now. Granted, I don’t always like reading papers, and I get a little tired of the 5:30AM alarm every morning, but I get to socialized and interact with students, faculty, and staff on campus, I get to challenge myself to come up with new and innovative lessons and teaching methods, and I get to pour my creative and mental energy into making the subjects I teach interesting and applicable while also fulfilling the requirements of what I need to teach.
This passage from 1st Samuel makes me think of movies like Band of Brothers and other war-type storylines where people come together and form a team. I think that’s one of the greatest blessings God has given us – the ability to collaborate, draw support from each other, garnish ideas off each other, and together, accomplish something greater than any one of us could do alone.
Granted, Saul’s army isn’t so great in this passage, but I’m sure there were lots of nights of sitting around the campfires, sharing stories, sharing water sacks, offering tips on how to better lace their sandals, etc. It kind of makes me wish I could time travel back to Bible times and just sit around with some of the soldiers for a couple evenings. I would like to know the soldiers. It seems like so frequently the soldiers of Israel just get collectively referred to, and they don’t get their individual stories shared. I wish I could fill in those gaps.
By the end of a class, my goal is to make my classroom feel like a band of soldiers having gone through many nights of swapping stories under the stars. Granted, I can’t make my students “gel” with each other, but as a person who loves hospitality and enjoys making people feel at home, I want my classroom to feel like a homey, haven of sorts. One of my teachers in college – Ann Williamson, the instructor of Intro to Education – did an amazing job at making the classroom feel like “home.” I remember that I loved going to her class – I always could feel some of my stress going away when I walked through the doors.
I want to challenge my students – after all, every good team needs a challenge to see if they have what it takes for them to come out in the way they want to come out – but I also want to encourage them to build those fellow-fighter type relationships. And I am so thankful for the people who are with me in the academic trenches, helping me along as we go through this college world.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
051: Clean Hands
April 7, 2010
1 Samuel 12
As I type, I’m looking at my hands. Hands are very useful features of our bodies. One of my students was born without his left hand because he thinks his umbilical chord was wrapped around it in-utero. I think that’s very interesting – he’s gone through life with only one hand. I don’t know what that’s like.
I just paused to scratch my chin. My hand did that. Hands do practical things, like tie back hair, make food, turn pages, hold pencils, grip the steering wheel, etc. They also do impractical things, like pick your nose, apply makeup, etc. You use hands when you go to the bathroom, open doors, eat, bathe, etc. Other than our tongues, they’ve got to be on of the most used physical feature.
I like how Samuel asks the people of Israel to tell him if he’s done anything wrong as he’s going into semi-retirement. Before Samuel retired, he wanted to make sure he had settled the score with everyone – in a good way. He wanted to ensure he owed no one an apology or restitution. And he was confident enough that he did not that he asked the people to judge him. When they assured him he had always been fair, he said, “My hands are clean.”
If you stop and think about it, that’s a hefty statement. It’s very bold. Who, among humanity, has ever had completely clean hands (figuratively speaking)? No one but Jesus. And yet, Samuel was so confident in his honorability and, I’m sure, in God’s working in his life to correct and remedy his missteps, that when he was old, he had no regrets. He had nothing to apologize for before retiring from public service.
I stole a baby Barbie doll from a childhood friend as a bratty, selfish five or six year old. Our families didn’t hang out much, so I was able to get away with it. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I found her on myspace and emailed her (I hadn’t actually seen her in years!) and confessed what I’d done and apologized. Although it wasn’t like I’d thought about stealing that doll every day for years and years, but when I pushed the “send” button on that email, I can’t describe the sense of “rightness” that I felt. It was like my actions and my convictions finally lined up.
That isn’t, of course, the only time I’ve done things I regret and had to apologize and ask forgiveness for them. But it was one of the first times that I remember really taking responsibility for my own actions and coming humbly to confess my sin against the person I’d sinned against. It still isn’t a pleasant experience for me to admit I was wrong and acted wrongly toward someone, but I have realized that the more I do it – and the more consistently I do it and stay on top of it – it becomes easier every time.
What would it look like to live like Samuel? What would it be like to have leaders who lived with that kind of integrity? How is my life lining up with that kind of an example? Is my goal to be able to say that at the end of my days, “My hands are clean”? And if so, what am I doing NOW, TODAY to make that my legacy?
1 Samuel 12
As I type, I’m looking at my hands. Hands are very useful features of our bodies. One of my students was born without his left hand because he thinks his umbilical chord was wrapped around it in-utero. I think that’s very interesting – he’s gone through life with only one hand. I don’t know what that’s like.
I just paused to scratch my chin. My hand did that. Hands do practical things, like tie back hair, make food, turn pages, hold pencils, grip the steering wheel, etc. They also do impractical things, like pick your nose, apply makeup, etc. You use hands when you go to the bathroom, open doors, eat, bathe, etc. Other than our tongues, they’ve got to be on of the most used physical feature.
I like how Samuel asks the people of Israel to tell him if he’s done anything wrong as he’s going into semi-retirement. Before Samuel retired, he wanted to make sure he had settled the score with everyone – in a good way. He wanted to ensure he owed no one an apology or restitution. And he was confident enough that he did not that he asked the people to judge him. When they assured him he had always been fair, he said, “My hands are clean.”
If you stop and think about it, that’s a hefty statement. It’s very bold. Who, among humanity, has ever had completely clean hands (figuratively speaking)? No one but Jesus. And yet, Samuel was so confident in his honorability and, I’m sure, in God’s working in his life to correct and remedy his missteps, that when he was old, he had no regrets. He had nothing to apologize for before retiring from public service.
I stole a baby Barbie doll from a childhood friend as a bratty, selfish five or six year old. Our families didn’t hang out much, so I was able to get away with it. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I found her on myspace and emailed her (I hadn’t actually seen her in years!) and confessed what I’d done and apologized. Although it wasn’t like I’d thought about stealing that doll every day for years and years, but when I pushed the “send” button on that email, I can’t describe the sense of “rightness” that I felt. It was like my actions and my convictions finally lined up.
That isn’t, of course, the only time I’ve done things I regret and had to apologize and ask forgiveness for them. But it was one of the first times that I remember really taking responsibility for my own actions and coming humbly to confess my sin against the person I’d sinned against. It still isn’t a pleasant experience for me to admit I was wrong and acted wrongly toward someone, but I have realized that the more I do it – and the more consistently I do it and stay on top of it – it becomes easier every time.
What would it look like to live like Samuel? What would it be like to have leaders who lived with that kind of integrity? How is my life lining up with that kind of an example? Is my goal to be able to say that at the end of my days, “My hands are clean”? And if so, what am I doing NOW, TODAY to make that my legacy?
050: Reading leads to Questions
April 6, 2010
1 Samuel 11
After a bit of an extended absence from my readings in 1 Samuel (I got side tracked by various themes I wanted to look into for the last couple weeks…), I’m back to reading about Saul and Samuel and – soon – David.
I used to feel guilty when I’d hop around the Bible like I’ve been doing recently, but I stopped that. I do think methodical study of the Bible is important – really important, in fact! But I also think that reading the Bible is much, much more about attitude than what book you’re in. By that I mean that when I’m only reading from a strict sense of duty and obligation, from personal experience I know that I’m not getting NEARLY as much out of my readings as when I’m excited to delve into it.
Something I hate about myself is the fact that I don’t always find the Bible interesting. I don’t always want to read it. In fact, far too often, I’ll choose reading a variety of other books over reading the Bible. That’s not to say I don’t love my Bible – I do – it’s just that I don’t always feel like it’s as exciting and new as books I’ve never read before. After all, I’ve read the whole Bible at some point in time – I took about 18 months to go through it slowly a couple years ago – and it’s hard to imagine it changing that much. And, in addition, the same chapters seems to be the ones I turn to again and again, and I get kind of tired of them, but I don’t know where to go otherwise because I’m stuck in this rut!
All that to say I don’t really stress that much about Bible reading now. I mean, I wan to prioritize it more than I do, so as a result I carry my Bible around with me everywhere so whenever I have a spare couple of minutes, I can pull it out and read a bit. I guess I see the most important thing to be that I’m actually opening my Bible and reading…
But I like the consistency of going through a book at a time, which leads me back to 1 Samuel…
I think this passage is a little crazy. Passages like this, in fact, always make me come up with a list of questions. Here’s what I’ve got for this chapter: Isn’t it ironic that Saul is all gung-ho about leading the Israelites into battle when in the previous chapter he was hiding with the bags? The people of Jabesh-gilead must have had a lot of confidence in Saul and his recruited army, because they basically surrendered to the Ammonites without knowing any sort of plan. Do I foolishly stake things on other people without developing or hearing a plan? Do I over-prioritize planning and how it impacts me? Was Saul really that committed and honoring of the Lord at this point in his life? Or was his speech at the end of chapter 11 a result of publicity? Is there anything significant about the right eye? Why did the Jabesh-gileadites wait until they had been threatened before calling in help? Do I wait too long to ask for help?
What have you been reading lately? What do you wish you’d been reading lately in the Bible? What sort of questions can you develop that might help your brain stay focused on the text and what you’re trying to learn from it?
1 Samuel 11
After a bit of an extended absence from my readings in 1 Samuel (I got side tracked by various themes I wanted to look into for the last couple weeks…), I’m back to reading about Saul and Samuel and – soon – David.
I used to feel guilty when I’d hop around the Bible like I’ve been doing recently, but I stopped that. I do think methodical study of the Bible is important – really important, in fact! But I also think that reading the Bible is much, much more about attitude than what book you’re in. By that I mean that when I’m only reading from a strict sense of duty and obligation, from personal experience I know that I’m not getting NEARLY as much out of my readings as when I’m excited to delve into it.
Something I hate about myself is the fact that I don’t always find the Bible interesting. I don’t always want to read it. In fact, far too often, I’ll choose reading a variety of other books over reading the Bible. That’s not to say I don’t love my Bible – I do – it’s just that I don’t always feel like it’s as exciting and new as books I’ve never read before. After all, I’ve read the whole Bible at some point in time – I took about 18 months to go through it slowly a couple years ago – and it’s hard to imagine it changing that much. And, in addition, the same chapters seems to be the ones I turn to again and again, and I get kind of tired of them, but I don’t know where to go otherwise because I’m stuck in this rut!
All that to say I don’t really stress that much about Bible reading now. I mean, I wan to prioritize it more than I do, so as a result I carry my Bible around with me everywhere so whenever I have a spare couple of minutes, I can pull it out and read a bit. I guess I see the most important thing to be that I’m actually opening my Bible and reading…
But I like the consistency of going through a book at a time, which leads me back to 1 Samuel…
I think this passage is a little crazy. Passages like this, in fact, always make me come up with a list of questions. Here’s what I’ve got for this chapter: Isn’t it ironic that Saul is all gung-ho about leading the Israelites into battle when in the previous chapter he was hiding with the bags? The people of Jabesh-gilead must have had a lot of confidence in Saul and his recruited army, because they basically surrendered to the Ammonites without knowing any sort of plan. Do I foolishly stake things on other people without developing or hearing a plan? Do I over-prioritize planning and how it impacts me? Was Saul really that committed and honoring of the Lord at this point in his life? Or was his speech at the end of chapter 11 a result of publicity? Is there anything significant about the right eye? Why did the Jabesh-gileadites wait until they had been threatened before calling in help? Do I wait too long to ask for help?
What have you been reading lately? What do you wish you’d been reading lately in the Bible? What sort of questions can you develop that might help your brain stay focused on the text and what you’re trying to learn from it?
Monday, April 5, 2010
049: Mortal Bodies
April 5, 2010
Psalm 139, 2 Corinthians 5:1-10
Bodies are really interesting, amazing things. When you focus on individual parts, they seem kind of weird, but still incredible.
Something I think is interesting is watching my body age. I never thought about it until I hit about 20, but it’s been kind of fun to see wrinkles start to develop around my eyes, and the skin on my hands look less childlike and more adult-ish. I do push ups and/or the plank position multiple times each week, so the muscles in my arms have developed more also. It’s phenomenal to me that we can be aging while we’re also developing – my skin is aging, but my muscles are developing: is that not just neat?
I try to be aware of my health and live a healthy lifestyle. Lately I’ve been trying to avoid a lot of processed foods. I made a conscious effort to stop regularly eating foods that contained high fructose corn syrup several years ago after hearing a theory about how high fructose corn syrup might be significantly linked to the increase in diabetes. I’m not a huge fan of meat – especially red meat – so I try to be aware of how I’m getting protein, and what kind of protein, etc. I’ve also kind of mentally been hung up on dairy products – why do we think that we need to eat the baby food of a four-legged mammal? Humans are the only creature that seems to think we should consume meat well past the age of being weaned. Why? Don’t get me wrong, I love dairy products – cottage cheese, cheese of any other kind, yogurt, milk in my cereal and coffee, ice cream, etc – but is it really all THAT good for us? I mean, there are proteins in it that our bodies are just not really designed to break down…
Another major focus for me lately is water. I think the majority of the time I think I’m hungry, I’m actually just thirsty. I’ve found if I can keep my stomach filled on water, I don’t want to eat as much throughout the day… and since our nation, as a whole, is dying from OVER eating, I figure I probably don’t need to worry too much about under eating!
Something that’s been annoying lately, though, is that my knees are starting to hurt. They tend to just be achy by the end of the day, and sometimes it’s an all day thing. No position is really all that comfortable – when they’re bent, they hurt. When they’re straight, they hurt. When I stand on them, sit on them, or am even laying down, they just register a little pain. It’s not terrible – nothing I can’t handle – but it’s still kind of just an awareness of pain. That scares me! I don’t want to have bad knees for the rest of my life! I started doing some physical therapy exercises that a personal trainer friend showed me, and I bought new shoes and am trying to figure out how I can incorporate less running into my exercise routine. The bummer is that I still haven’t run that marathon I’m dreaming of!
It amazes me that Jesus chose to come and live within the limitations of the human race. And it amazes me that God has designed our bodies to work as well as they do – even when I’m in pain, my body is still doing miraculous things! When I think about all this stuff, it also makes me get excited for when I will live in a body that won’t experience pain and I won’t have to worry about the negative affects of aging. Hooray for eternal life!!!
Psalm 139, 2 Corinthians 5:1-10
Bodies are really interesting, amazing things. When you focus on individual parts, they seem kind of weird, but still incredible.
Something I think is interesting is watching my body age. I never thought about it until I hit about 20, but it’s been kind of fun to see wrinkles start to develop around my eyes, and the skin on my hands look less childlike and more adult-ish. I do push ups and/or the plank position multiple times each week, so the muscles in my arms have developed more also. It’s phenomenal to me that we can be aging while we’re also developing – my skin is aging, but my muscles are developing: is that not just neat?
I try to be aware of my health and live a healthy lifestyle. Lately I’ve been trying to avoid a lot of processed foods. I made a conscious effort to stop regularly eating foods that contained high fructose corn syrup several years ago after hearing a theory about how high fructose corn syrup might be significantly linked to the increase in diabetes. I’m not a huge fan of meat – especially red meat – so I try to be aware of how I’m getting protein, and what kind of protein, etc. I’ve also kind of mentally been hung up on dairy products – why do we think that we need to eat the baby food of a four-legged mammal? Humans are the only creature that seems to think we should consume meat well past the age of being weaned. Why? Don’t get me wrong, I love dairy products – cottage cheese, cheese of any other kind, yogurt, milk in my cereal and coffee, ice cream, etc – but is it really all THAT good for us? I mean, there are proteins in it that our bodies are just not really designed to break down…
Another major focus for me lately is water. I think the majority of the time I think I’m hungry, I’m actually just thirsty. I’ve found if I can keep my stomach filled on water, I don’t want to eat as much throughout the day… and since our nation, as a whole, is dying from OVER eating, I figure I probably don’t need to worry too much about under eating!
Something that’s been annoying lately, though, is that my knees are starting to hurt. They tend to just be achy by the end of the day, and sometimes it’s an all day thing. No position is really all that comfortable – when they’re bent, they hurt. When they’re straight, they hurt. When I stand on them, sit on them, or am even laying down, they just register a little pain. It’s not terrible – nothing I can’t handle – but it’s still kind of just an awareness of pain. That scares me! I don’t want to have bad knees for the rest of my life! I started doing some physical therapy exercises that a personal trainer friend showed me, and I bought new shoes and am trying to figure out how I can incorporate less running into my exercise routine. The bummer is that I still haven’t run that marathon I’m dreaming of!
It amazes me that Jesus chose to come and live within the limitations of the human race. And it amazes me that God has designed our bodies to work as well as they do – even when I’m in pain, my body is still doing miraculous things! When I think about all this stuff, it also makes me get excited for when I will live in a body that won’t experience pain and I won’t have to worry about the negative affects of aging. Hooray for eternal life!!!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
048: Battlefield
April 4, 2010
Matthew 28, Mark 16
I really like Jordin Spark’s song “Battlefield.” I definitely agree that love is a battlefield of sorts. Because we are selfish, sinful individuals, when we try to love – which is a divine thing, God is love! – we always end up messing it up in some way, either the giving or the receiving or the living out in general. If we aren’t battling with our beloved, due to our own selfishness and inability to humbly serve, then we’re battling with our natural instincts and desires in order to love them in a selfless, giving, serving way…
Today is one of my absolute favorite days of the year. I love Easter! I love the traditions my family has – breakfast at church, morning devotional, fellowshipping, Sunday School, Church service, more fellowshipping after, and a big family/friends dinner in the afternoon at my Grandmother’s house… I love people and particularly the people in my life. It’s such a delight to have a reason to spend all day hanging out with some of my favorites!
I also love how Easter seems to symbolize new beginnings. I love that it comes after Lent – I just recently became aware of how useful Lent can be, and how I appreciate it as a tool in my life – and it just seems to be a symbolic day reflecting the new life of Springtime bursting forth around me.
But mostly I love what Easter is for. I love what we focus on at Easter. I love the hymns we always sing, I love the focus on the resurrection and triumph of Jesus over death, and I love the unmistakable reality of the fact that Jesus lives and has a relationship with me!
Although “Battlefield” is certainly not a song that is really related to the idea of Easter for most people, I’d imagine, right now, in this season, I make that connection. I relate to “Battlefield’s” lyrics. But I love that I have hope beyond the hopeless love battlefields of this life. Instead, I have hope that someday, eventually, this battlefield of love will be a distant memory, and love as a peaceful, refreshing, comforting, secure, righteous and holy place of being will be the reality.
And I hope for and look forward to and wait for that day because of what Jesus did today some 2,000 years ago. He fought this battle of love, and He won. He triumphed over selfishness and sinfulness and pride and hate and bitterness and arrogance and deception and Satan and our punishment of death when his heart started beating and he began breathing again in the dark of the tomb.
As my tattoo reminds me, I (we) Esperer for future glory – the glory of our King and my Savior. In the meantime, even while I fight in this wretched battlefield of love and life, I know that my Redeemer lives and has won the war. Praise Him!
Matthew 28, Mark 16
I really like Jordin Spark’s song “Battlefield.” I definitely agree that love is a battlefield of sorts. Because we are selfish, sinful individuals, when we try to love – which is a divine thing, God is love! – we always end up messing it up in some way, either the giving or the receiving or the living out in general. If we aren’t battling with our beloved, due to our own selfishness and inability to humbly serve, then we’re battling with our natural instincts and desires in order to love them in a selfless, giving, serving way…
Today is one of my absolute favorite days of the year. I love Easter! I love the traditions my family has – breakfast at church, morning devotional, fellowshipping, Sunday School, Church service, more fellowshipping after, and a big family/friends dinner in the afternoon at my Grandmother’s house… I love people and particularly the people in my life. It’s such a delight to have a reason to spend all day hanging out with some of my favorites!
I also love how Easter seems to symbolize new beginnings. I love that it comes after Lent – I just recently became aware of how useful Lent can be, and how I appreciate it as a tool in my life – and it just seems to be a symbolic day reflecting the new life of Springtime bursting forth around me.
But mostly I love what Easter is for. I love what we focus on at Easter. I love the hymns we always sing, I love the focus on the resurrection and triumph of Jesus over death, and I love the unmistakable reality of the fact that Jesus lives and has a relationship with me!
Although “Battlefield” is certainly not a song that is really related to the idea of Easter for most people, I’d imagine, right now, in this season, I make that connection. I relate to “Battlefield’s” lyrics. But I love that I have hope beyond the hopeless love battlefields of this life. Instead, I have hope that someday, eventually, this battlefield of love will be a distant memory, and love as a peaceful, refreshing, comforting, secure, righteous and holy place of being will be the reality.
And I hope for and look forward to and wait for that day because of what Jesus did today some 2,000 years ago. He fought this battle of love, and He won. He triumphed over selfishness and sinfulness and pride and hate and bitterness and arrogance and deception and Satan and our punishment of death when his heart started beating and he began breathing again in the dark of the tomb.
As my tattoo reminds me, I (we) Esperer for future glory – the glory of our King and my Savior. In the meantime, even while I fight in this wretched battlefield of love and life, I know that my Redeemer lives and has won the war. Praise Him!
047: Jesus and Passion
April 3, 2010
Mark 14:32-15:47
I just finished watching Mel Gibson's The Passion. Regardless of the various opinions on the movie's portrayal of the crucifixion, I am so thankful that my parents own a copy that I can watch. I've been saving it for this weekend, because I wanted to be able to view it on my own, in private, during the traditional commemoration of Jesus's death and resurrection.
The first time I watched The Passion I went to the theatres with my youth group to view it. I remember walking out feeling very sobered.
My response is different this time. The movie is heartwrenching, of course, and I realized at the end that my fingernails had been leaving little marks in the palm of my hand, and my lips are swollen from biting them - but this time I was watching with the "filter" (so-to-speak) of looking at it less as a tragedy, and more as a triumph of God's love.
I've been meditating on that idea recently - thanks to various books and movies and conversations that have percolated into my life - and I am overwhelmed by it. God's love is SO vast. It's incomprehensible. Fearsome in it's extremity, and enthralling in it's passion and boundlessness. I don't get it.
One of my favorite scenes in The Passion is the moment that Jesus dies. The camera is looking down at Jesus on the cross, and it zooms out and out and out. Then the screen blurs for a second, before a raindrop falls down, down, down, to break at Jesus's feet. Except I don't think it's a raindrop. I think it's a teardrop.
And that reminds me that Revelation promises that there will be no more teardops in heaven. I wonder if God cries now? Because He chooses to love us SO passionately, does He cry when we are hurt? And when we hurt Him?
I hate the thought of making God cry, but I love the thought that He does cry (or whatever it is that an immortal Spirit does)… I can be an insecure, unsure, self-focused little girl sometimes, and it is incredibly comforting and nurturing to my heart to think that God cares enough about me to see my hurts and hurt for me in them. Of course, I also delight in the fact that He is sovereign and in control – that He knows the end from the beginning and promises to work “ALL things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purposes.” Even our hurts. Even Jesus’s hurt on the cross.
I think it was Oswald Chambers that wrote, “If God can accomplish His purpose in the world through a broken heart, why don’t we thank Him for breaking ours?”
My heart isn’t broken tonight, but I still want to have that attitude. After all, that’s exactly what Jesus lived out… Oh, that I would be more like Him – even to the extent that He went through to submit to His Father’s will… Passion, Lord, may I have it? Teach me to cultivate it…
Mark 14:32-15:47
I just finished watching Mel Gibson's The Passion. Regardless of the various opinions on the movie's portrayal of the crucifixion, I am so thankful that my parents own a copy that I can watch. I've been saving it for this weekend, because I wanted to be able to view it on my own, in private, during the traditional commemoration of Jesus's death and resurrection.
The first time I watched The Passion I went to the theatres with my youth group to view it. I remember walking out feeling very sobered.
My response is different this time. The movie is heartwrenching, of course, and I realized at the end that my fingernails had been leaving little marks in the palm of my hand, and my lips are swollen from biting them - but this time I was watching with the "filter" (so-to-speak) of looking at it less as a tragedy, and more as a triumph of God's love.
I've been meditating on that idea recently - thanks to various books and movies and conversations that have percolated into my life - and I am overwhelmed by it. God's love is SO vast. It's incomprehensible. Fearsome in it's extremity, and enthralling in it's passion and boundlessness. I don't get it.
One of my favorite scenes in The Passion is the moment that Jesus dies. The camera is looking down at Jesus on the cross, and it zooms out and out and out. Then the screen blurs for a second, before a raindrop falls down, down, down, to break at Jesus's feet. Except I don't think it's a raindrop. I think it's a teardrop.
And that reminds me that Revelation promises that there will be no more teardops in heaven. I wonder if God cries now? Because He chooses to love us SO passionately, does He cry when we are hurt? And when we hurt Him?
I hate the thought of making God cry, but I love the thought that He does cry (or whatever it is that an immortal Spirit does)… I can be an insecure, unsure, self-focused little girl sometimes, and it is incredibly comforting and nurturing to my heart to think that God cares enough about me to see my hurts and hurt for me in them. Of course, I also delight in the fact that He is sovereign and in control – that He knows the end from the beginning and promises to work “ALL things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purposes.” Even our hurts. Even Jesus’s hurt on the cross.
I think it was Oswald Chambers that wrote, “If God can accomplish His purpose in the world through a broken heart, why don’t we thank Him for breaking ours?”
My heart isn’t broken tonight, but I still want to have that attitude. After all, that’s exactly what Jesus lived out… Oh, that I would be more like Him – even to the extent that He went through to submit to His Father’s will… Passion, Lord, may I have it? Teach me to cultivate it…
046: Good? Good!
April 2, 2010
Isaiah 52:13-53:12, Luke 23
Good Friday. The name makes no sense at all if you don’t believe that Jesus didn’t stay dead. If he didn’t come back to life, than this day is just the commemoration of an innocent man being put to death in the most brutal, violent, disgusting, shaming, abhorrent way imaginable. Crucifixion was not a pretty, sophisticated way to die, it was reserved for people who had committed the worst of crimes.
But it’s called “good” because of the goal that was accomplished – Jesus laid down his life so that he could rescue mankind from their sins. It’s “good” because of the GREAT work he did. And he was good to do it. And what he accomplished was good.
But the story isn’t finished until Sunday.
I drove up to Seattle to attend Mars Hill’s Good Friday service with a couple friends – Mollee, Claire, and Rinat. I’d made up a playlist of my favorite worship songs that seem to encapsulate the essence of Easter weekend within their lyrics and melodies, and we all piled into my car, Poppy, and drove through blustering rain and wind and fallen trees. I’ve never been to a Good Friday service – either at Mars Hill or anywhere else that I remember. I’m glad I went.
We arrived almost late, so we had to sit in the overflow. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew there would be a movie. After some awesome worship – which was somber and heavy and fit the solemn mood of the evening – we watched a 30 minute original production that portrayed the events of Jesus’s death. It’s always hard to watch violence on the big screen, at least for me, but it’s even harder when I attempt to fully grasp that the REASON Jesus did what he did – similar to what was being portrayed on the screen – was for me.
By far my favorite part of the evening, however, was taking communion. I realize Jesus first commanded his disciples to take communion on Passover night – Thursday – but I liked taking it on Friday. It seemed so pertinent and relevant to eat the bread I’d dipped in the cup of wine and then watch the movie that depicts how Jesus was broken, crushed, beaten, and bruised, bleeding and stumbling and faithfully proceeding to Golgotha to sacrifice himself on the cross. For me.
I kept hearing an old song in my head: “Down the Via della Rosa called the way of suffering, went the man who’d been exalted the Messiah, Christ the King. And his forgiveness set me free as he chose to die alone on Calvary…”
I want to remember these events better. I suffer a terrible case of amnesia. I want Jesus and His work in my life to be central and focused in my daily vision. Lord, help me see you!
Isaiah 52:13-53:12, Luke 23
Good Friday. The name makes no sense at all if you don’t believe that Jesus didn’t stay dead. If he didn’t come back to life, than this day is just the commemoration of an innocent man being put to death in the most brutal, violent, disgusting, shaming, abhorrent way imaginable. Crucifixion was not a pretty, sophisticated way to die, it was reserved for people who had committed the worst of crimes.
But it’s called “good” because of the goal that was accomplished – Jesus laid down his life so that he could rescue mankind from their sins. It’s “good” because of the GREAT work he did. And he was good to do it. And what he accomplished was good.
But the story isn’t finished until Sunday.
I drove up to Seattle to attend Mars Hill’s Good Friday service with a couple friends – Mollee, Claire, and Rinat. I’d made up a playlist of my favorite worship songs that seem to encapsulate the essence of Easter weekend within their lyrics and melodies, and we all piled into my car, Poppy, and drove through blustering rain and wind and fallen trees. I’ve never been to a Good Friday service – either at Mars Hill or anywhere else that I remember. I’m glad I went.
We arrived almost late, so we had to sit in the overflow. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew there would be a movie. After some awesome worship – which was somber and heavy and fit the solemn mood of the evening – we watched a 30 minute original production that portrayed the events of Jesus’s death. It’s always hard to watch violence on the big screen, at least for me, but it’s even harder when I attempt to fully grasp that the REASON Jesus did what he did – similar to what was being portrayed on the screen – was for me.
By far my favorite part of the evening, however, was taking communion. I realize Jesus first commanded his disciples to take communion on Passover night – Thursday – but I liked taking it on Friday. It seemed so pertinent and relevant to eat the bread I’d dipped in the cup of wine and then watch the movie that depicts how Jesus was broken, crushed, beaten, and bruised, bleeding and stumbling and faithfully proceeding to Golgotha to sacrifice himself on the cross. For me.
I kept hearing an old song in my head: “Down the Via della Rosa called the way of suffering, went the man who’d been exalted the Messiah, Christ the King. And his forgiveness set me free as he chose to die alone on Calvary…”
I want to remember these events better. I suffer a terrible case of amnesia. I want Jesus and His work in my life to be central and focused in my daily vision. Lord, help me see you!
045: Foot washer
April 1, 2010
John 13:1-17
My friend Amber is kind of a girly-girl. Not in a way that I find annoying or irritating, but rather in a way that makes her seem like being a girl is just quite natural and easy for her. I decided I should utilize Amber’s expertise and experience to be my moral support as I expand my horizons further into the world of girly-ness.
I asked Amber to come with me to get my first pedicure this week.
To set the stage, I really have no personal bubble. Or rather, I’m sure I do, but I’m not quite sure where it is yet. I’m a hugger, so I have no problem hugging complete strangers. When I lived in Rome and Spain and Morocco, people greet each other with kisses on the cheek, so I adopted that gesture as well. It doesn’t bother me to have people stand close to me or even make physical contact with me. I take jiujitsu classes and I think that might be part of what has contributed to my lack of personal-space barriers.
I didn’t expect a pedicure to be a big deal in terms of feeling spatially invaded. It wasn’t. What always made me uncomfortable when it comes to pedicures or manicures or these girly-girl salon-type experiences is that I feel like it’s weird to have people serve me – to wait on me.
Restaurants kind of feel the same way for me. One of my Scottish professors once discussed how in France, people take pride in their jobs. In America, contrarily, people tend to be ashamed of many jobs. Waiting tables is one of them. We in America treat the waiters with sympathy and pity, to some degree, rather than allowing them to have respect and dignity in what they do.
This phenomena has rubbed off into my behavior patterns. I felt a little weird going into a salon and having someone perform what I feel is sort of personal hygiene on my body, even though I did pay a fair price. Why do I feel that way?
The pedicure was nice – I’m not ticklish and I like physical contact with people, so what isn’t to love about having someone massage my feet and make them look pretty?! – but the whole time a small part of my brain was thinking about how weird it was to have someone sitting at my feet, washing them and lotioning them and painting my toenails.
Then I realized, this is like what Jesus did! Obviously not the bright red nail polish, but he did wash his disciple’s feet. He got down onto the level of their feet and washed them with his own hands.
How humble my Savior is! How gracious and giving and serving! Having the pedicure brought Jesus’s acts into a whole different light.
I want to learn this from Jesus. I want to learn that God can bless and certainly doesn’t look down o those who do what we’d consider “lowely” jobs, when we do it for His praise, honor, and glory…
John 13:1-17
My friend Amber is kind of a girly-girl. Not in a way that I find annoying or irritating, but rather in a way that makes her seem like being a girl is just quite natural and easy for her. I decided I should utilize Amber’s expertise and experience to be my moral support as I expand my horizons further into the world of girly-ness.
I asked Amber to come with me to get my first pedicure this week.
To set the stage, I really have no personal bubble. Or rather, I’m sure I do, but I’m not quite sure where it is yet. I’m a hugger, so I have no problem hugging complete strangers. When I lived in Rome and Spain and Morocco, people greet each other with kisses on the cheek, so I adopted that gesture as well. It doesn’t bother me to have people stand close to me or even make physical contact with me. I take jiujitsu classes and I think that might be part of what has contributed to my lack of personal-space barriers.
I didn’t expect a pedicure to be a big deal in terms of feeling spatially invaded. It wasn’t. What always made me uncomfortable when it comes to pedicures or manicures or these girly-girl salon-type experiences is that I feel like it’s weird to have people serve me – to wait on me.
Restaurants kind of feel the same way for me. One of my Scottish professors once discussed how in France, people take pride in their jobs. In America, contrarily, people tend to be ashamed of many jobs. Waiting tables is one of them. We in America treat the waiters with sympathy and pity, to some degree, rather than allowing them to have respect and dignity in what they do.
This phenomena has rubbed off into my behavior patterns. I felt a little weird going into a salon and having someone perform what I feel is sort of personal hygiene on my body, even though I did pay a fair price. Why do I feel that way?
The pedicure was nice – I’m not ticklish and I like physical contact with people, so what isn’t to love about having someone massage my feet and make them look pretty?! – but the whole time a small part of my brain was thinking about how weird it was to have someone sitting at my feet, washing them and lotioning them and painting my toenails.
Then I realized, this is like what Jesus did! Obviously not the bright red nail polish, but he did wash his disciple’s feet. He got down onto the level of their feet and washed them with his own hands.
How humble my Savior is! How gracious and giving and serving! Having the pedicure brought Jesus’s acts into a whole different light.
I want to learn this from Jesus. I want to learn that God can bless and certainly doesn’t look down o those who do what we’d consider “lowely” jobs, when we do it for His praise, honor, and glory…
044: Conflict Style
March 31, 2010
1 Corinthians 6:1-8, Ephesians 4:1-6
Tonight I met my friend Adam at Shari’s for dinner. Actually, it was breakfast foods for me, but since it was almost 10:30PM, I don’t think any meal title “properly” fits… Regardless, we talked about many things – we usually do that when we converse – and one of the things we discussed was friends that do not seem to be considerate of other friends.
Adam and I have a mutual friend that, for whatever reason, has irritated Adam. I’ve tried to refrain from becoming a part of whatever the issue is – it’s not my business, and I don’t feel like it’s my place to get involved – but the issue at hand came up over my spinach omelet and his pot roast.
We approach conflict and interpersonal issues two very different ways, Adam and I. I can see and understand the reasons behind why Adam does conflict the way he does, but I think my way is better. I suppose this is why some people think I’m opinionated and stubborn and judgmental because there are a number of issues that I think I’m right about. I try not to simply make a rash decision – I really do try to think things through and even apply some logic to the situation – but I definitely make up my mind and take a stand sometimes.
With this particular issue, Adam is frustrated with someone that he thinks treated someone else inconsiderately, and from what I understand about the situation, he’s just going to be frustrated and irritated. His feelings appear to have ruined the friendship he once shared with the other person, but the friendship was not particularly close, in terms of real life, face-to-face interaction. (THIS, my friends, is why technology can sometimes be SO annoying and frustrating! It leads to these quasi-relationships… Check out “Flickering Pixels” by Shane Hipps for further thoughts to ponder…)
I, on the other hand, think that Adam should approach the person he’s frustrated with and explain why he’s frustrated. I absolutely hate issues being swept under the rug and not dealt with. I believe a pastor I once heard would refer to me as a “T-Rex” in terms of my conflict style… That isn’t always true, sometimes I am lazy or cowardly and don’t deal with issues, but much of the time, if there is a problem, I’d much prefer to just get it out in the open and resolve it. If I’m at fault, the rational side of me wants to be able to apologize and gain forgiveness and move on. If the other person is at fault, I’d like the chance to forgive them, or I’d like to have them apologize, at least!
My conflict resolution style tends to get things over with quickly. That is good. I think. The bad part, however, is that I often don’t take time to truly meditate and come to regret what it is I do BEFORE I apologize. If I just say the words, unless I get a good dose of reflection time after, it’s easy for me to NOT actually change any of my behaviors – instead I just pay the lip service. That is not good. On the other hand, I don’t feel like Adam’s style does anything to actually RESOLVE the issue. He’s just ignoring it. And losing a friend in the process.
I hate losing friends. I hate to see people lose friends. How’s your conflicting and resolutions?
1 Corinthians 6:1-8, Ephesians 4:1-6
Tonight I met my friend Adam at Shari’s for dinner. Actually, it was breakfast foods for me, but since it was almost 10:30PM, I don’t think any meal title “properly” fits… Regardless, we talked about many things – we usually do that when we converse – and one of the things we discussed was friends that do not seem to be considerate of other friends.
Adam and I have a mutual friend that, for whatever reason, has irritated Adam. I’ve tried to refrain from becoming a part of whatever the issue is – it’s not my business, and I don’t feel like it’s my place to get involved – but the issue at hand came up over my spinach omelet and his pot roast.
We approach conflict and interpersonal issues two very different ways, Adam and I. I can see and understand the reasons behind why Adam does conflict the way he does, but I think my way is better. I suppose this is why some people think I’m opinionated and stubborn and judgmental because there are a number of issues that I think I’m right about. I try not to simply make a rash decision – I really do try to think things through and even apply some logic to the situation – but I definitely make up my mind and take a stand sometimes.
With this particular issue, Adam is frustrated with someone that he thinks treated someone else inconsiderately, and from what I understand about the situation, he’s just going to be frustrated and irritated. His feelings appear to have ruined the friendship he once shared with the other person, but the friendship was not particularly close, in terms of real life, face-to-face interaction. (THIS, my friends, is why technology can sometimes be SO annoying and frustrating! It leads to these quasi-relationships… Check out “Flickering Pixels” by Shane Hipps for further thoughts to ponder…)
I, on the other hand, think that Adam should approach the person he’s frustrated with and explain why he’s frustrated. I absolutely hate issues being swept under the rug and not dealt with. I believe a pastor I once heard would refer to me as a “T-Rex” in terms of my conflict style… That isn’t always true, sometimes I am lazy or cowardly and don’t deal with issues, but much of the time, if there is a problem, I’d much prefer to just get it out in the open and resolve it. If I’m at fault, the rational side of me wants to be able to apologize and gain forgiveness and move on. If the other person is at fault, I’d like the chance to forgive them, or I’d like to have them apologize, at least!
My conflict resolution style tends to get things over with quickly. That is good. I think. The bad part, however, is that I often don’t take time to truly meditate and come to regret what it is I do BEFORE I apologize. If I just say the words, unless I get a good dose of reflection time after, it’s easy for me to NOT actually change any of my behaviors – instead I just pay the lip service. That is not good. On the other hand, I don’t feel like Adam’s style does anything to actually RESOLVE the issue. He’s just ignoring it. And losing a friend in the process.
I hate losing friends. I hate to see people lose friends. How’s your conflicting and resolutions?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
043: Just DANCE!
March 30, 2010
Romans 8
Do you ever feel like dancing? Not because you have to, or even because you’re in an environment to do so, but just because? Sometimes certain songs do that for me. Train’s “Hey, Soul Sister” currently makes me want to just jump up and start flapping around the room. Well, actually, I’m a better dancer than that, but you get the idea.
Why do we get so caught up in our inhibitions? I had a great talk with a guy named Cho at the bar on Saturday night, and he was quite open and honest with his feelings on Christians and Christianity, and I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that he’d ingested a lot of alcohol and was feeling quite free to say whatever he wanted to say. I like that about people who have been drinking – I think perhaps their actions are perhaps more honest and forthright than those of us who are sober and stiff all the time.
But music… music sometimes can have a similar affect as alcohol maybe… I mean, it’s just a theory, but I don’t USUALLY just have random dance parties in my living room without some music going, but once I crank up a good tune that makes my “heart light and feet free” (in the paraphrased words of Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing), well, that’s another case… I’m trying rub it off on my family too… My little brother is pretty anti anything that might make him look silly, but my little sister is getting into it (YES! Success!!)
I was thinking about this earlier, while my feet were making little cha-cha moves across the kitchen floor, and I don’t understand why we don’t dance more. I mean, as a society. It’s good for us! It’s exercise, it makes our brain work, it can make us laugh, which is really healthy for us, and it just FEELS good on top of all that! Particularly as Christians, I think we should dance more, because we have SO MUCH to be joyful about!
Sometimes when I dance I start to feel happier after I get started. I start to FEEL more joy. One thing that is clear in the Bible is that we aren’t supposed to just be joyful and rejoice when we FEEL joy, it’s a command to be joyful… but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling joy and even doing things that stimulate those feelings of joy so that we can obey the command to be joyful.
Seriously? When I really stop to think about how EXTRAVIGANTLY God loves me – us – and how faithful He is to us, and how beautiful and fun He has created life and the world to be, I think it’s almost criminal to NOT allow our hearts to be joyful, and even express that joy through dancing if we so desire!
So here’s the challenge – go find a couple songs that make your heart feel like breakin’ out of your somber tennis shoes or confining high heels, take off your socks, and crank the music so you can dance around the house… free of shame… free of feeling like a dork… free of inhibitions. Just DANCE. And rejoice in Jesus while you’re at it!
Romans 8
Do you ever feel like dancing? Not because you have to, or even because you’re in an environment to do so, but just because? Sometimes certain songs do that for me. Train’s “Hey, Soul Sister” currently makes me want to just jump up and start flapping around the room. Well, actually, I’m a better dancer than that, but you get the idea.
Why do we get so caught up in our inhibitions? I had a great talk with a guy named Cho at the bar on Saturday night, and he was quite open and honest with his feelings on Christians and Christianity, and I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that he’d ingested a lot of alcohol and was feeling quite free to say whatever he wanted to say. I like that about people who have been drinking – I think perhaps their actions are perhaps more honest and forthright than those of us who are sober and stiff all the time.
But music… music sometimes can have a similar affect as alcohol maybe… I mean, it’s just a theory, but I don’t USUALLY just have random dance parties in my living room without some music going, but once I crank up a good tune that makes my “heart light and feet free” (in the paraphrased words of Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing), well, that’s another case… I’m trying rub it off on my family too… My little brother is pretty anti anything that might make him look silly, but my little sister is getting into it (YES! Success!!)
I was thinking about this earlier, while my feet were making little cha-cha moves across the kitchen floor, and I don’t understand why we don’t dance more. I mean, as a society. It’s good for us! It’s exercise, it makes our brain work, it can make us laugh, which is really healthy for us, and it just FEELS good on top of all that! Particularly as Christians, I think we should dance more, because we have SO MUCH to be joyful about!
Sometimes when I dance I start to feel happier after I get started. I start to FEEL more joy. One thing that is clear in the Bible is that we aren’t supposed to just be joyful and rejoice when we FEEL joy, it’s a command to be joyful… but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with feeling joy and even doing things that stimulate those feelings of joy so that we can obey the command to be joyful.
Seriously? When I really stop to think about how EXTRAVIGANTLY God loves me – us – and how faithful He is to us, and how beautiful and fun He has created life and the world to be, I think it’s almost criminal to NOT allow our hearts to be joyful, and even express that joy through dancing if we so desire!
So here’s the challenge – go find a couple songs that make your heart feel like breakin’ out of your somber tennis shoes or confining high heels, take off your socks, and crank the music so you can dance around the house… free of shame… free of feeling like a dork… free of inhibitions. Just DANCE. And rejoice in Jesus while you’re at it!
042: Camping under the Cloud
March 29, 2010
Numbers 9:15-23
This afternoon I had coffee with my friend Jacqueline. In 16 days Jacqueline will marry a handsome Swiss man who shares her passion and enthusiasm for Jesus, and she will join him where he’s living three-fourths of the way across the country working with college students.
It seems that for many of my friends, we are in a season of temporary-ness. My friend Julia is about to marry my friend Nik – he’s in Alaska, she’s on the East Coast, and they’ll be married this month. My older sister’s job is about to completely fall apart, and she’s getting married in July to her Canadian sweetheart. Of course, Bri and Devin just got married, but they’re hoping to move to France at the end of the summer.
There’s a lot of moving and life changing happening right now for people I love and care about! I’m not sure exactly where I’m at in all of this. It seems like big life changes – moving and marriage – are pending for many, many folks, and at the moment, neither is on my radar. Oh sure, I’ll move sooner or later, in fact, I’d like to start a Master’s program next winter, but I don’t know where, and I don’t know in what, and I haven’t really started researching it too much because I’ve been busy and haven’t made up my mind about what I want to look for!
Sometimes I struggle with being content in this place I’m at. It isn’t that I dislike being here and being single, but I wonder if something is wrong with me that I’m not also progressing through what seems to be these rites of passage.
Jacqueline asked me how I was doing going to all the weddings I’ve been to recently (there are a total of 13 on my social calendar during the 2010 year), and I admitted that I enjoyed them, of course, but I have these lingering doubts in my mind about where I’m at in all of this. “Dani,” Jacqueline said, “Someone once pointed out to me that in Numbers 9 the Israelites probably didn’t always feel like they were camped at the best spot. Sometimes they had to sleep on rocks, or walk miles to get fresh water. When they moved to a spot, they might have wanted to hurry up and move on to the next, or go back to their previous campsite, but they didn’t. They stayed where God put them, because where they were was where God wanted them, and if they tried to move before God directed, they wouldn’t know where to go.” Jacqueline smiled her sweet, gracious smile. “I know this might not be what you want to hear right now, and I know you’ve probably already heard it all before, but I eventually realized that my camp of singleness was where God had me. Even though the clouds that seemed to be directing all my friends were moving them on to different geographical locations, or different relational statuses, for me, God had me where He wanted me.”
I was so relieved and encouraged to hear her words. I know that I’m not the only person in this place, and I know I’m not the only one who sometimes feels frustrated with where I’m at, but I also truly believe that this is where God wants me. He has a purpose for me being here in this spot, with this job, single. And while I do have freedom and the responsibility to make decisions for my future, I also believe it is not unwise and imprudent for me to remain as I am… until or unless my cloud picks up and moves.
Numbers 9:15-23
This afternoon I had coffee with my friend Jacqueline. In 16 days Jacqueline will marry a handsome Swiss man who shares her passion and enthusiasm for Jesus, and she will join him where he’s living three-fourths of the way across the country working with college students.
It seems that for many of my friends, we are in a season of temporary-ness. My friend Julia is about to marry my friend Nik – he’s in Alaska, she’s on the East Coast, and they’ll be married this month. My older sister’s job is about to completely fall apart, and she’s getting married in July to her Canadian sweetheart. Of course, Bri and Devin just got married, but they’re hoping to move to France at the end of the summer.
There’s a lot of moving and life changing happening right now for people I love and care about! I’m not sure exactly where I’m at in all of this. It seems like big life changes – moving and marriage – are pending for many, many folks, and at the moment, neither is on my radar. Oh sure, I’ll move sooner or later, in fact, I’d like to start a Master’s program next winter, but I don’t know where, and I don’t know in what, and I haven’t really started researching it too much because I’ve been busy and haven’t made up my mind about what I want to look for!
Sometimes I struggle with being content in this place I’m at. It isn’t that I dislike being here and being single, but I wonder if something is wrong with me that I’m not also progressing through what seems to be these rites of passage.
Jacqueline asked me how I was doing going to all the weddings I’ve been to recently (there are a total of 13 on my social calendar during the 2010 year), and I admitted that I enjoyed them, of course, but I have these lingering doubts in my mind about where I’m at in all of this. “Dani,” Jacqueline said, “Someone once pointed out to me that in Numbers 9 the Israelites probably didn’t always feel like they were camped at the best spot. Sometimes they had to sleep on rocks, or walk miles to get fresh water. When they moved to a spot, they might have wanted to hurry up and move on to the next, or go back to their previous campsite, but they didn’t. They stayed where God put them, because where they were was where God wanted them, and if they tried to move before God directed, they wouldn’t know where to go.” Jacqueline smiled her sweet, gracious smile. “I know this might not be what you want to hear right now, and I know you’ve probably already heard it all before, but I eventually realized that my camp of singleness was where God had me. Even though the clouds that seemed to be directing all my friends were moving them on to different geographical locations, or different relational statuses, for me, God had me where He wanted me.”
I was so relieved and encouraged to hear her words. I know that I’m not the only person in this place, and I know I’m not the only one who sometimes feels frustrated with where I’m at, but I also truly believe that this is where God wants me. He has a purpose for me being here in this spot, with this job, single. And while I do have freedom and the responsibility to make decisions for my future, I also believe it is not unwise and imprudent for me to remain as I am… until or unless my cloud picks up and moves.
041: Bars and Beers
March 28, 2010
Mark 2:13-17, John 2:1-12, Romans 12, 14, 1 Corinthians 9
At the ripe, old age of 22, I have only been into a handful of bars in the US (overseas is another matter – bars and restaurants seem to be virtually interchangeable, and the name “bar” is synonymous with the best cappuccini and cornetti in Italy). I didn’t go into one until after I was 21, and to be honest, I haven’t really been in a position to feel like I need to enter a bar frequently.
Last night the post-wedding festivities commenced at one of the groomsmen’s houses for left over spaghetti, and then migrated to a local bar. As the Maid of Honor and dependant on other people for my mobility, I went with the group.
Sometimes I ponder what my response and the church in general’s response should be to the “issue” of drinking. I have my own convictions that I hold in regards to alcohol, and they are what some would consider quite liberal, and others claim are quite conservative. I won’t share the specifics, but I do wonder why I feel like I’ve grown up feeling that bars are “wrong.” My parents hold similar beliefs to me – albeit slightly more conservative just because of lifestyle choice and preferences – but they are not strongly judgmental people. So why did I feel so awkward and out of place the first couple times I went into bars?
I had a friend that took me to a bar last summer, and something he said was quite striking at the time and has stuck with me since. As a person who has grown up in the church, when I feel the need to socialize or be around other people, I tend to attend church functions – whether that be church itself, youth group, college group, singles group, Bible study, or go to the local coffee shops where all the church people hang out. Those are the areas where I feel comfortable.
For people who have not grown up in the church, they might feel most comfortable and places like bars. For them, bars are the “social living room” of their community. They don’t necessarily have the vast array of support networks that are usually available in a church, so they seek out people and conversations at the local bar, over a pint of beer or jack and coke.
These two chapters in Romans throw me for a bit of a curve ball, along with Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians. What should my response be to the drinking/bar issue? Christians fall all across the board – some are fine with going to bars and having alcohol, while others seem to freak out at the very mentioning of the word “beer.” What are my responsibilities to be caring and gentle toward people who disagree with my convictions? Am I living a double life if I have no problem going to a bar and having a drink, but trying to not offend people who think that’s sinful? I don’t want to hide who I am and what I do, I want to live with integrity, honest and true throughout my conduction and convictions and character… but if I’m convinced of something, and other people aren’t, how do I handle that?
I do know that I don’t want to judge people for going to bars, whether Christian or non-Christian, because I think there is pretty great ministry opportunity sitting at the counter with someone who needs to talk and is seeking out a place to find a friend. I’m all about making new friends!
Mark 2:13-17, John 2:1-12, Romans 12, 14, 1 Corinthians 9
At the ripe, old age of 22, I have only been into a handful of bars in the US (overseas is another matter – bars and restaurants seem to be virtually interchangeable, and the name “bar” is synonymous with the best cappuccini and cornetti in Italy). I didn’t go into one until after I was 21, and to be honest, I haven’t really been in a position to feel like I need to enter a bar frequently.
Last night the post-wedding festivities commenced at one of the groomsmen’s houses for left over spaghetti, and then migrated to a local bar. As the Maid of Honor and dependant on other people for my mobility, I went with the group.
Sometimes I ponder what my response and the church in general’s response should be to the “issue” of drinking. I have my own convictions that I hold in regards to alcohol, and they are what some would consider quite liberal, and others claim are quite conservative. I won’t share the specifics, but I do wonder why I feel like I’ve grown up feeling that bars are “wrong.” My parents hold similar beliefs to me – albeit slightly more conservative just because of lifestyle choice and preferences – but they are not strongly judgmental people. So why did I feel so awkward and out of place the first couple times I went into bars?
I had a friend that took me to a bar last summer, and something he said was quite striking at the time and has stuck with me since. As a person who has grown up in the church, when I feel the need to socialize or be around other people, I tend to attend church functions – whether that be church itself, youth group, college group, singles group, Bible study, or go to the local coffee shops where all the church people hang out. Those are the areas where I feel comfortable.
For people who have not grown up in the church, they might feel most comfortable and places like bars. For them, bars are the “social living room” of their community. They don’t necessarily have the vast array of support networks that are usually available in a church, so they seek out people and conversations at the local bar, over a pint of beer or jack and coke.
These two chapters in Romans throw me for a bit of a curve ball, along with Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians. What should my response be to the drinking/bar issue? Christians fall all across the board – some are fine with going to bars and having alcohol, while others seem to freak out at the very mentioning of the word “beer.” What are my responsibilities to be caring and gentle toward people who disagree with my convictions? Am I living a double life if I have no problem going to a bar and having a drink, but trying to not offend people who think that’s sinful? I don’t want to hide who I am and what I do, I want to live with integrity, honest and true throughout my conduction and convictions and character… but if I’m convinced of something, and other people aren’t, how do I handle that?
I do know that I don’t want to judge people for going to bars, whether Christian or non-Christian, because I think there is pretty great ministry opportunity sitting at the counter with someone who needs to talk and is seeking out a place to find a friend. I’m all about making new friends!
040: Wedding Finery
March 27, 2010
Colossians 3:1-17
Although I can be a little lazy about what I wear – some days are just sweats and t-shirt days – and I also can be a bit laid back about my wardrobe variety – I love backpacking because it usually limits my clothing options to about 8 different combinations – I do enjoy dressing up. I like the whole process – from being in crummy clothes (usually either work out clothes or PJs) to getting all cleaned up and scrubbed and coiffed and put together. I like wearing nice clothes and choosing an outfit that expresses what I want to express, and combining it with a hairstyle and make-up that fits my target goal. I’m not so good about picking shoes or accessories, but I’m working on it!
Today involved a lot of getting myself ready. The alarm went off about 5:50AM so I could get started on doing my hair and makeup for BriZ’s wedding. The ceremony was set for 11AM and we had to be at the chateaux by 9AM. With four of us getting reading in one bathroom, I wanted to be done and out of the way as soon as possible.
Once we got to the chateaux, we helped Bri get into her wedding gown and finished primping and fluffing and hairspraying and doing make-up touch-ups. It was windy and cold outside – I think the bridesmaids were about as blue as their dresses by the time we came back inside – so then we had to do additional fixing.
It might sound like a real pain, but really, it was fun. I think part of what made it so fun, though, was the anticipation of the wedding ceremony yet to come. I’ve probably mentioned it before, but I’m a HUGE fan of anticipation… I love to have something to look forward to. Not in a “I can’t wait until that happens – it’s going to be the best time of my life” way, but rather in a “I want to savor what is coming for as long as possible, so I’ll anticipate it to help it stretch out longer, by making it feel like it’s almost already here…”
Part of savoring the events to come included the getting dressed and prepared – making ourselves look like what we were wanting to present during the actual ceremony and reception after. During a quick moment today of passing by the mirrors in the bride’s room, I had the thought of how we, as Christians, are called to put on the characteristics of Christ in preparation for his return and, in a sense, to exhibit to the world that we are preparing for his arrival.
In my head, it’s sort of like getting prepared for a wedding. Jesus’s return is when the ceremony gets going, but in the meantime, we need to get ready for it; we need to demonstrate that we ARE going to be a part of that service – a BIG part of it: we get to be presented to Jesus as the glowing, elegant, beautiful, refined, lovely and beloved bride – and now is our prep time.
I want to remember that all of my life – every moment, even lazy ones in workout clothes or flannel PJs – are part of my preparation for Jesus. I can be clothing myself with clothes that will take his breath away and captivate him – clothes that bring him honor and glory.
Colossians 3:1-17
Although I can be a little lazy about what I wear – some days are just sweats and t-shirt days – and I also can be a bit laid back about my wardrobe variety – I love backpacking because it usually limits my clothing options to about 8 different combinations – I do enjoy dressing up. I like the whole process – from being in crummy clothes (usually either work out clothes or PJs) to getting all cleaned up and scrubbed and coiffed and put together. I like wearing nice clothes and choosing an outfit that expresses what I want to express, and combining it with a hairstyle and make-up that fits my target goal. I’m not so good about picking shoes or accessories, but I’m working on it!
Today involved a lot of getting myself ready. The alarm went off about 5:50AM so I could get started on doing my hair and makeup for BriZ’s wedding. The ceremony was set for 11AM and we had to be at the chateaux by 9AM. With four of us getting reading in one bathroom, I wanted to be done and out of the way as soon as possible.
Once we got to the chateaux, we helped Bri get into her wedding gown and finished primping and fluffing and hairspraying and doing make-up touch-ups. It was windy and cold outside – I think the bridesmaids were about as blue as their dresses by the time we came back inside – so then we had to do additional fixing.
It might sound like a real pain, but really, it was fun. I think part of what made it so fun, though, was the anticipation of the wedding ceremony yet to come. I’ve probably mentioned it before, but I’m a HUGE fan of anticipation… I love to have something to look forward to. Not in a “I can’t wait until that happens – it’s going to be the best time of my life” way, but rather in a “I want to savor what is coming for as long as possible, so I’ll anticipate it to help it stretch out longer, by making it feel like it’s almost already here…”
Part of savoring the events to come included the getting dressed and prepared – making ourselves look like what we were wanting to present during the actual ceremony and reception after. During a quick moment today of passing by the mirrors in the bride’s room, I had the thought of how we, as Christians, are called to put on the characteristics of Christ in preparation for his return and, in a sense, to exhibit to the world that we are preparing for his arrival.
In my head, it’s sort of like getting prepared for a wedding. Jesus’s return is when the ceremony gets going, but in the meantime, we need to get ready for it; we need to demonstrate that we ARE going to be a part of that service – a BIG part of it: we get to be presented to Jesus as the glowing, elegant, beautiful, refined, lovely and beloved bride – and now is our prep time.
I want to remember that all of my life – every moment, even lazy ones in workout clothes or flannel PJs – are part of my preparation for Jesus. I can be clothing myself with clothes that will take his breath away and captivate him – clothes that bring him honor and glory.
039: Family Focus
March 26, 2010
Ruth 1-4
At the college/post college age Bible Study I attend we’ve been focusing on the issue of character among various Old Testament persons since the beginning of the New Year. The last couple of weeks we’ve been looking at Ruth.
I love the book of Ruth. I’ve always enjoyed it, because it features women prominently (when I was a little girl I preferred to read stories about girls in the Bible to those about boys – I could relate to the girls better, I suppose). I also love the romantic side of it, and the specific focus on Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz. I listened to Mark Driscoll’s sermon series on the book of Ruth a little over a year ago and fell in love with it all over again – it really is an awesome foreshadowing of how Jesus loves his church and how he will ransom and redeem her. And Boaz, oh my! Although I doubt he was the handsomest, most dashing young thing, his CHARCTER is so attractive!
Another thing I appreciate about Ruth, though, is how family-focused it is. It also relies heavily on conversations – between Ruth and Naomi and between Ruth and Boaz namely. I love reading how these people communicated with each other.
Family is hugely important to me. My sisters are some of my closest friends, I live with my grandparents, and my parents are a fairly regular part of my weekly life. I respect how Ruth loved Naomi and served her. In fact, I don’t just respect it, I’m downright impressed by it! Ruth went out to work back-breaking work in the fields to provide for herself and Naomi, even though Naomi was a bitter old hag of a woman! That’s devotion.
As much as I love my family, I am not as devoted and selfless toward them as Ruth was to Naomi. I want to be able to have the reputation Ruth had – that of a virtuous woman – because of my family interaction. Ruth was known for how she came from a foreign land to be with and care for her mother-in-law. I can’t help asking myself, would I ever bond with a mother-in-law in that manner? Am I even bonded to my own parents that way? How hypocritical of me is it to say that I want a good relationship with a second family that God might provide, while not treating my own parents in that manner?
Lord, help me to be an honorable daughter. I want to be a woman of Your principles and values and I want that to be evident, pointing people toward you. Thank you for my family – show me how to better love and serve them, and give me the strength and endurance to do it!
Ruth 1-4
At the college/post college age Bible Study I attend we’ve been focusing on the issue of character among various Old Testament persons since the beginning of the New Year. The last couple of weeks we’ve been looking at Ruth.
I love the book of Ruth. I’ve always enjoyed it, because it features women prominently (when I was a little girl I preferred to read stories about girls in the Bible to those about boys – I could relate to the girls better, I suppose). I also love the romantic side of it, and the specific focus on Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz. I listened to Mark Driscoll’s sermon series on the book of Ruth a little over a year ago and fell in love with it all over again – it really is an awesome foreshadowing of how Jesus loves his church and how he will ransom and redeem her. And Boaz, oh my! Although I doubt he was the handsomest, most dashing young thing, his CHARCTER is so attractive!
Another thing I appreciate about Ruth, though, is how family-focused it is. It also relies heavily on conversations – between Ruth and Naomi and between Ruth and Boaz namely. I love reading how these people communicated with each other.
Family is hugely important to me. My sisters are some of my closest friends, I live with my grandparents, and my parents are a fairly regular part of my weekly life. I respect how Ruth loved Naomi and served her. In fact, I don’t just respect it, I’m downright impressed by it! Ruth went out to work back-breaking work in the fields to provide for herself and Naomi, even though Naomi was a bitter old hag of a woman! That’s devotion.
As much as I love my family, I am not as devoted and selfless toward them as Ruth was to Naomi. I want to be able to have the reputation Ruth had – that of a virtuous woman – because of my family interaction. Ruth was known for how she came from a foreign land to be with and care for her mother-in-law. I can’t help asking myself, would I ever bond with a mother-in-law in that manner? Am I even bonded to my own parents that way? How hypocritical of me is it to say that I want a good relationship with a second family that God might provide, while not treating my own parents in that manner?
Lord, help me to be an honorable daughter. I want to be a woman of Your principles and values and I want that to be evident, pointing people toward you. Thank you for my family – show me how to better love and serve them, and give me the strength and endurance to do it!
038: Causing Conflict
March 25, 2010
Luke 6:27-49
It may shock a few people if they ever read this blog, but there are times when I don’t really feel like being around people. Actually, more accurately, I don’t really feel like being around certain people. People who are peaceful, relaxing, encouraging, refreshing, listening, and calm, I almost always like to be around. People who are opinionated, sharp, loud, obnoxious, authoritative, and always full of advice for all the things I should do different, I’m not always so crazy about being around them. As an extrovert, I have a fairly high people-tolerance level (I really, genuinely like people!), but sometimes I get worn out with being criticized or feeling like I have to justify and explain myself.
There are four of us bridesmaids staying in Bri’s apartment with her. I’m sleeping on a couch and a love-sac pushed up next to each other. Two girls are sleeping with Bri in her king-sized bed, another is on a futon. To say that our space is a little crowded is perhaps under-exaggerating… For the most part, it is quite fun. I enjoy having different personalities and ideas all bumping into each other – it creates a sort of energy I feed off of (one of my friends calls me a social vampire – statements like that certainly seem to build on that idea!), yet when the personalities clash, it can get a little annoying.
Bri and I went to work out this morning, and ended up just walking a 3 mile loop at a speed-walking rate. I think since she’s the reason all of us are crammed in here together in her apartment, she feels responsible for if we don’t get along. She asked how I was doing, specifically in regards to one person, and she mentioned that my personality and this other person’s personality were the only two she had worried about clashing.
I felt bad. I hate the idea of being someone that causes conflict. I suppose it’s because I pride myself on being a fairly laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of person. I didn’t want to cause any more stress for Bri than what she already had on her plate.
So I’m going to make an extra effort this weekend to NOT pass judgment. I want to be a BLESSING, not a curse. I want my presence to be a balm, not a sting. And as for this other person that might have the potential to annoy me, I want to be able to NOT react and simply respond in a way that would please Jesus.
Sometimes I feel like there is SO much work to do on my character, it’s discouraging! I’m glad God’s got some kind of plan here!
Luke 6:27-49
It may shock a few people if they ever read this blog, but there are times when I don’t really feel like being around people. Actually, more accurately, I don’t really feel like being around certain people. People who are peaceful, relaxing, encouraging, refreshing, listening, and calm, I almost always like to be around. People who are opinionated, sharp, loud, obnoxious, authoritative, and always full of advice for all the things I should do different, I’m not always so crazy about being around them. As an extrovert, I have a fairly high people-tolerance level (I really, genuinely like people!), but sometimes I get worn out with being criticized or feeling like I have to justify and explain myself.
There are four of us bridesmaids staying in Bri’s apartment with her. I’m sleeping on a couch and a love-sac pushed up next to each other. Two girls are sleeping with Bri in her king-sized bed, another is on a futon. To say that our space is a little crowded is perhaps under-exaggerating… For the most part, it is quite fun. I enjoy having different personalities and ideas all bumping into each other – it creates a sort of energy I feed off of (one of my friends calls me a social vampire – statements like that certainly seem to build on that idea!), yet when the personalities clash, it can get a little annoying.
Bri and I went to work out this morning, and ended up just walking a 3 mile loop at a speed-walking rate. I think since she’s the reason all of us are crammed in here together in her apartment, she feels responsible for if we don’t get along. She asked how I was doing, specifically in regards to one person, and she mentioned that my personality and this other person’s personality were the only two she had worried about clashing.
I felt bad. I hate the idea of being someone that causes conflict. I suppose it’s because I pride myself on being a fairly laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of person. I didn’t want to cause any more stress for Bri than what she already had on her plate.
So I’m going to make an extra effort this weekend to NOT pass judgment. I want to be a BLESSING, not a curse. I want my presence to be a balm, not a sting. And as for this other person that might have the potential to annoy me, I want to be able to NOT react and simply respond in a way that would please Jesus.
Sometimes I feel like there is SO much work to do on my character, it’s discouraging! I’m glad God’s got some kind of plan here!
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