011: Rubric Part I

February 26, 2010
2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1, John 17:9-26
Marriage Rubric Part I – Spiritual Connection

Yesterday I mentioned I have developed a rubric of sorts – or at least idealized standards – for what I want to have in my marriage. I’ve done this because it seems logical and wise to have some base line idea of what my priorities are for a marriage relationship prior to entering one.

Since I first and foremost love Jesus and want my life to demonstrate that priority, my marriage must follow suite. Not only did Paul forbid the church at Corinth to unite themselves with someone who wasn’t a follower of Jesus, it also make sense that if I want to honor God with my life, my life-long partner will also need to have the same priority.

Obviously, there are some big differences of thought, even among people who love Jesus. Even if my husband and I don’t agree on every minor issue in the Bible, I believe we must agree on the “big ticket” issues: salvation by faith in Jesus Christ through grace alone, the ultimate authority of the Bible, the necessity of community and communion with other Jesus followers, the holistic purpose of Christians to “love the Lord you God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself,” the responsibility to serve the church as the bride of Christ, the recognition that our marriage is a reflection of Jesus’s relationship with the church, and the desire to share Jesus and the hope of salvation with the broken world around us.

Knowing my own life priorities, I want my husband’s main desire in life to be honoring and glorify God – so we can do it together once we’re married – and to be a tool for God to use in sharing Jesus with the world around us. I see this as being evident in a man who is God-fearing, humbly coming before God recognizing his dualistic status as both a sinner that should be condemned to hell, and yet powerfully and affectionately redeemed by the work of Jesus Christ.

Since Paul mentions in his letter to Ephesus that husbands are to be the “head” of the household, I want my husband to be a man that will take responsibility for the spiritual well-being of our family. Practically speaking, he can only do this by actively pursuing his own spiritual growth, which I think would look something like personal study of God’s Word, group study and accountability with other men, and corporate worship.

Obviously, there are two humans involved in a marriage. I accept responsibility for my own spiritual growth, because I am not saved and sanctified by my husband’s work, but I would like my husband to encourage me in the pursuit of loving Jesus more, and to help me safeguard my relationship with Jesus. I see this as a safeguard for our marriage, and I fully intend to help him safeguard his relationship with Jesus. If we have children, I want my husband to model to our kids a humility and devotion in his walk with the Lord – modeling and encouraging prayer, discussion and application of the Bible, accountability, etc within the family.

I do believe good, healthy, God-honoring marriages are possible. But I don’t think they happen by accident. I think prioritizing a spiritual connection and compatibility is key to the kind of marriage I want to have.