010: Mars and Venus

February 25, 2010
Genesis 2:4-25

Men. Women. Just writing those two words together evokes all kinds of emotions – humor, frustration, appreciation, delight, confusion… There is definitely something intrinsic to us all that recognizes a sort of dance – a strange and special relationship – between men and women.

Since I like to think and since I get paid to teach, and since I sometimes have time to think while I’m teaching or I think while I’m not teaching about what I was teaching, I was pondering male and female differences today. One of my challenging students (see day 003) has caught the attention of the Santa Claus-like man who comes to proctor tests in one of my classrooms every week. Mr. Santa doesn’t like my problem student and thinks I should boot him out of class. Sometimes I think so too… but then there is another element in me that wants to work together with my student, rather than against him, because we all essentially have stated the same goals: he wants to get his GED, I want him to get his GED, and the other people involved in his life and my work want him to get his GED too. So why do we have to fight over this???

I think it’s a male/female mentality, or at least that’s a theory I’ve heard. Women want to build a web – a community of sorts – while men want to have a hierarchy – a vertical ladder so to speak. Women want to feel connected; men want to feel respected. To be connected, one has to be involved with others. To be respected, one has to be above others.

I’m learning we need both. I think this will be a long learning process. I’m naturally inclined to appreciate my own biased leanings more. Maybe this is why God designed marriage – to help us appreciate His handiwork in creating the opposite sex.

The topic of love and relationships and marriage is always fascinating to me. I’m not sure if that would change if I do get married, because I’ll have my own real life love, relationship, and marriage to focus on rather than hypothetical what-if’s. At any rate, because it intrigues me, I think about it now. I’ve been reading a book called “Decision Making and the Will of God” and it’s making me think a bit outside my typical boxes. One of the ideas stressed in the book is the importance of applying wisdom and thought to decisions (because, as the author argues, we not only have the freedom to choose, we also have the responsibility to make our own decisions in life for many important things). As a result, I’ve been thinking about what premises I will make my decision to marry on. I have several areas to use as a rubric.

I’ll go over them over the next couple of days, and while I do, I’d challenge you to think about each of the areas. If you’re single, how could you set some of your own standards? If you’re married, how can you improve in these areas with your spouse?