008: Honesty

February 23, 2010
Job 29-31

The book of Job has long been one of my favorites. The telling of the story of a man who seems to have everything in his life right – possessions, wisdom, humility, fear of God, etc – and then, for some strange reason, God allows Job to be tested by Satan and, voila, I’m intrigued. Not only do the scenes in heaven appeal to my closet sci-fi passion, but I especially love his honesty with God. Job is clearly not feeling too happy-go-lucky and peachy, and he tells that to God.

I keep my journal with me almost all the time. I’m terrible about recording the events of my day – those journal entries always bore me anyhow when I go back to re-read them – rather, my journal serves more as a functioning, ongoing conversation directed toward God. Frequently, when I pray, I get distracted by other things. But journaling my prayers seem to keep me focused.

I pray for my friends and family, I pray over situations in my life and things that evoke strong emotions, and I converse with God about what I read – in books and in His Word. As I come across passages in the Bible that impact me in some way, I’ll write the reference down and then tell God what it is that is impacting.

When I read Job, I frequently journal responses. This read through, it’s his honesty, bluntness, and sarcasm that is catching my attention.

Sometimes I think I try to impress God. That’s silly. He already knows exactly what I think, how I feel, and all the hidden motives and ideas and thoughts in my heart. I’ve been a little shocked that Job would be so affrontive in his complaints about his life, but then I realized that it only makes sense for him to be so transparent before God. God knew how he was feeling! God knew he wasn’t happy and was questioning why he was going through what he was going through! It doesn’t change the fact that God is holy and sovereign and can do whatever pleases Him, but it does remind me that God has invited me into a relationship with Him.

I’ve been going through a bit of an introspective season in my life, trying to figure out why some of the underlying sins in my life are still there – haven’t I dealt with them already?! I also feel as though I’m at a crossroads of sorts and I’m not sure exactly which way to go or which way I even want to go, and it’s frustrating me. As I sort through heart issues and try to be obedient in sacrificing and giving up some of the baggage that I seem to have collected in my heart-closet, I find myself alternating between being thankful to be able to give over these things to a God that I know can handle it, and being mad and angry and hurt that I have to let go of some stuff I think is valuable and precious.

Reading Job has inspired me to be honest with my God about where I’m at. You’d think I would have learned by now that nothing is hidden from the all-seeing eyes of God, but I guess I’m just a little slow sometimes.

I long to have a real relationship with God. I think honesty is essential to that. Are you honest?