067: Grow Up

April 23, 2010
1 Samuel 27

When one is eligible to receive benefits from their job, does that mean they should start to feel like an “adult”? Because if that’s the case, I fail! I don’t feel like an adult yet! I don’t exactly feel like a kid, nor even like a teenager (I suppose that’s a good thing, considering biological-age-speaking, I’m not either), but I think I’ve always equated adulthood with being, specifically, committed to another person. Not strictly in a romantic sense, although certainly that, but more so in a “I’m going to be home at such-and-such a time” and “What do you want for dinner?” kind of way. I certainly don’t do that.

But there are moments when I feel… oh, I’m not sure I’d label it “adult,” but I do feel “grown up.” Namely, when I’m meeting friends for sushi and discussing how to be good influences and role models and resources for those that are younger than us. When did we become so old that we’re worried about those following behind our metaphorical foot steps? And are we capable of it? I think so, but it’s something we’re going to have to be purposeful about.

I also feel those “grown up” moments when I start talking to people about Jesus in my life experiences and interpersonal relationships with others, and I can relate. In many ways I feel I’ve been sheltered in a freakishly crazy way due to various things about how I’ve grown up, but then when I can relate to someone about their heartache or their doubts or their fears, it’s a good thing.

Yesterday, after sushi with several friends, I was visiting with Mozambique-Gabe in the parking lot. He is going to his ex-girlfriend’s wedding next weekend, and was expressing some uncertainty as to what to expect. The only guy I’ve ever dated got married last year, and although I haven’t had any interaction with him in years, I still remember thinking it was just a little weird. Not in a bad way – I’m thrilled and happy for him and his bride – but still, weird. I was able to reassure Gabe that I’d be praying for him during the weekend and hoped he was encouraged by that.

It’s so silly, I think, how we sometimes fear things. I’m not sure if that is very “grown up” of us. David is scared enough of Saul that he goes to the enemies of the Israelites to hang out. Why did he do this??! Obviously, Saul was a bit of a psycho case – he’d already tried to kill David multiple times! – but he’d also failed every time. Did David really think that God would have been taking care of him for all those years just to forget to misguide the spear one last time? It just seems so crazy that David would go through so much with God at his side, and still be afraid of a crazy old man!

But then I realize how often I do that. I’ve had a good 17 years of walking with Jesus as my personal savior. At times I’ve wandered a distance off – always aware of Jesus’s location, but not always wanting to BE in that location with him, to my own detriment – but he’s always been faithful. Why do I sometimes doubt his love for me? His care of me? His plans for good things in my life? His ability to direct me as I need it and seek it from him? His complete truth as I need it in his word? Those are the moments when I know I have much growing up to do.