It's been months since my last post on this blog, but that doesn't mean I haven't been "safari-ing" along... I think one of my favorite things about following God is that I never STOP growing and learning and being on this adventure. I pray I never do - stagnation and hardening are not high on my "to do" list for life.
In reality, this particular post that I'm about to type has been forming for months - maybe years. Just this past week I've found myself changing ever-so-slightly (but definitely significantly!) in ways that have been EVER-so-long in developing. Sometimes it seems like I'm not even aware of the depths of an issue in my heart or the process that's underway until it's become so significant I can't overlook it any more - which is usually quite a long time into it!
Anyhow, I'm philosophizing when I should just be sharing.
Acne has changed my life.
You might laugh, or quirk an eyebrow in astonishment or disbelief, or make some kind of expression of surprise or humor. Feel free. I'll wait. But I'm serious. Some things just do, and acne is one for me.
I first developed acne on my face about the time that many people who get acne do - when I became a teen (maybe a year or two earlier for me - so I was an early bloomer, what can I say?). It started with a red mark here or there, which changed into bigger red marks and picking (sorry, I know this is gross, but there really is something inherently satisfying about squeezing zits. Just go to any summer camp for proof - they make skits up about it, because it's something practically every teen can relate to!), first in the "T" zone, and then all over my face.
My mom had acne when she was in high school, so I assumed it was hereditary. Mom tried to get me to wait it out and let it pass, but when I was 17 (5 years into the acne struggle), I asked her if we could go to a dermatologist and try to figure something out.
I can't really remember if there was any one incident that made me feel like acne was ugly and undesirable - I do remember babysitting for a family once and in their childish innocence, I accidentally interrupted a conversation between two of the kiddos talking about my face. One of them said to the other, "What's wrong with Dani's face?" and the other said, "I don't know, maybe she has chicken pox." When they saw me approaching, they asked me, "What happened to your face? Why do you have red marks all over it?" I was embarrassed and tried to explain to them that sometimes, when you become a teenager, it just happens. That interaction only reinforced my feeling that I was unattractive -even to little kids! - and associated with sickness and illness and infectious diseases because of my skin.
When I went to the doctor about my skin (and then another... and then another...), I was told that I needed to go on Accutane. It was amazing stuff in the sense that it did clear up my skin - just in time for my senior photos, too! When I looked at the pictures of myself, I remember thinking with surprise, "I am not ugly!" My face was clear and I looked like the senior girls I had looked up to all through middle school and high school as THE epitome of maturity and health and youthful beauty.
But the clear skin didn't last. After about 7 months, I started to break out again. I went back to my dermatologist and was told that I might need to go back on Accutane. So I did. Again and again and again. Six times in total.
Accutane is not the easiest drug to be on. As a girl, I had to have negative pregnancy tests every month (Accutane leads to severe birth defects if a woman gets pregnant while on it), which was awkward for someone committed to abstinence and sexual purity to have to go through, but I also had to have blood draws every month to check how my liver was functioning, and my doctor had to check to make sure I wasn't growing a brain tumor each month as well. All of this was hard enough to do in the USA, but I also tried to figure out how to do it in Italy when I was going to school over there!
My parents' lost their job when I was almost 21, and along with that, they couldn't continue to cover themselves and their employees with medical insurance. My mom was able to go back to work after 3 months of not having any income, and she did get good medical coverage with her new job, but that time made me realize how expensive Accutane is to be on, and I started to think about how I was going to have to pay a LOT of money out of pocket if I was going to keep going back on it.
When I got medical insurance through my job, after I graduated from college, I went to my Kaiser dermatologist to see if I could start the process of going back on Accutane. He encouraged me to try alternatives - topical Retin-A gel, an antibiotic lotion, and an internal antibiotic. He didn't want to put me back on Accutane because he thought it became less effective every time, and obviously going back on it wasn't a long term solution. He also suggested birth control, but because I don't want to superimpose a hormonal regulation of my cycle, I declined that route. I was on the antibiotic regiment for 10 months without any changes in my skin.
Last December, I decided to try ProActive after the encouragement of my regular doctor. I was on it for 8 weeks and my face broke out in dry, painful patches of peeling skin. I think the chemicals were just too harsh for it.
Then I tried a load of homeopathic options - essential oils, oil cleanses, changes in diet (no sugar, gluten, or dairy) for a few months, and nothing worked, if anything, over the course of not being on the antibiotic, my acne developed into larger, more painful inflammations on my jaw line and cheeks.
Finally, desperate, I went back to my old dermatologist and asked if there was any alternatives he could give me besides Accutane and birth control. He suggested another hormonal option (non contraceptive), but told me he really thought I just needed to go back on Accutane.
I wasn't opposed to going back on it, but I felt like I was in a quandary: first, I don't like to just treat the symptoms and cover up the cause. Clearly, Accutane has not yet treated the actual cause of my acne - it's only treated the symptoms and masked the problem for a period of time, repeatedly (and the acne keeps coming back!); second, I don't want to go on something that is actually potentially harmful to my body - all of the monthly checks seem to indicate that there is a degree for damage and risk in taking Accutane; and third, I really don't want to go on birth control (for a number of reasons I won't get in to here), and even though I might be able to go on Accutane again for now... or next year or the year after or whatever, by all indications, it seems like going that route will mean that I need to KEEP going back on Accutane, and at some point, I assume I'll get married, I can't be on Accutane without being on oral contraceptives or some other form of hormonal birth control.
Accutane just didn't seem like the solution to a problem that's been going on for 12 years.
So I sought a naturopath - a Christian naturopath. He encouraged me to consider if there were any spiritual or emotional things that might be contributing to my acne, beyond just the physical, and he got me on several herbal supplements. They seemed to help for the first 2 weeks, then plateaued and didn't seem to improve my skin. After another visit with him a few weeks ago - and a complete change in supplements with a new focus related to supporting my immune system and trying to keep my blood sugar levels in balance - I reach the present in my story, where I still have acne that isn't significantly different than it's been for the past 2 or 3 months.
I don't think I can even try to describe the emotional rollercoaster that this struggle has felt like. I know it's not a major thing - it's just skin - and I know that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty, but I'm not kidding, there have been countless sessions of frustrated crying, trying different make up techniques, buying different products, even arguments between my wonderful boyfriend and me over these past 6 months as I've been self conscious of scabs on my face or not wanting to go out in public after a grueling day or week of trying to put up a brave front and pretend that I wasn't affected by my skin. Gabe has assured me time and time again that my skin isn't what's important - that he thinks I'm beautiful regardless of how I look, but I still hate my face.
This week I went to the beach for a solitary retreat. I took a book with me called "Lies Women Believe." I also got sunburned the weekend prior, particularly my forehead and nose, so my face was sort of shot. I was peeling and red and make up wasn't looking good because it was just getting clumped in peeling skin or scabs. The day I was preparing to come home, I tried to put make up on and ended up in tears.
I left the bathroom mirror and went out to the kitchen to put away dishes, and it was like the dam broke. I found myself slamming cupboard doors as I put away dishes and sobbing and saying aloud, "What do you want from me, God? Why can't you just fix my face? I've tried everything I can think of, I'm trying to be a good steward of my body and do this the non-damaging way, I've dealt with this for 12 years, and you're the only thing I can think of that will make this improve. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for years that you would clear my skin, and you aren't doing it! How can you not see how much this hurts me? Why do you not step in? Where are you? Why don't you love me enough to just make it better?"
And I realized, as I was saying this (I might have even been shouting!), that these words coming out of my mouth were reflections of lies that I'd just been reading about in the book. Lies like:
- God doesn't love me
- God doesn't listen to me
- God doesn't care about me
- God isn't enough for me
- My external appearance is what is beautiful and important
- God cannot be trusted
- I have a right to have my own way
When I saw them in that light - and had the truth that the book had pointed out to combat them - I had to make the difficult choice to believe the truth, not the lies. It wasn't difficult in the sense that I didn't want to believe truth; believe me, in no way do I want to be believing lies! But it was difficult in the sense that I truly, truly was believing these lies, and I had to step in with every one and keep reminding myself of what God's word says... ALL day!
Truths like:
- God does love me - so much that he was willing to die for me
- God does listen to me - my relationship with him is based on Jesus Christ and the work Jesus did at the cross to take the punishment for my sins
- God does care about me - he made me and knew every moment of my life before I was even conceived
- God is enough for me - God provides all the love, security, loyalty, and worth I could ever desire
- My body is only a temporary home for my soul - who I am is not what I look like. My heart and character can be beautiful, regardless of what my skin is doing
- God can be trusted - he has redeemed my soul from death and has given my life and gifts and blessings in abundance
- I do not have a right to have things go my way - which includes looking the way I want to look. All of my rights are owned by God - I am like a slave. He gets total decision making authority in every aspect of my life.
As I was driving back from the beach and praying and crying, asking God to help me sort through these lies and hold on to truth, I felt like God said (very kindly but urgently) to my heart, "Dani, I love you. You are more precious to me than you can even imagine. Will you trust me? Will you trust that I'm doing something good in you? Will you trust that I let nothing happen in your life - no circumstances, no break outs, no conversations, NO thing - that I don't have a plan for that will make you more like me? I want you to be at peace, and the only way you will be at peace is if you surrender your heart - hurt though it may be, unsatisfied though it is - to me. You have the choice, I will not make you, but I'm asking you to give me your desires for clear skin and let me do what I will with it."
Needless to say, that got my attention. For the rest of the drive home, after I said, "OK, Lord - here's my heart. I do desire that my skin would be clear - you know I desire that - but I desire what you want more than what I want. If you have purposes and reasons - whether I understand them or not - for me to have acne, I accept them. And Father, I thank you for them too, because I know you aren't leaving my heart to hurt for no reason. You are doing something good, because you are good, and all your ways are good," I had peace.
In fact, I began to see different reasons for why God might have given me the gift (yes, you read that right, the gift) of acne: perhaps He did it so I can sympathize with people who have physical issues their hearts are hurting over (2 Corinthians says that God comforts us so that we can comfort others) - perhaps this will even be in my own family, as my little brother and sister are in their early teens and have acne. Maybe I'll get to be an encouragement to them and be able to actually walk with them through learning to trust God, even about our acne. Maybe I will be able to better see the heart of people and be able to give a testimony to how God reminded me that my external appearance is not what determines my worth - and that I'll be able to walk out knowing I am loved and valued and cherished, despite having something the world often sees as a "blemish" or a "flaw." Or perhaps God is letting me learn and practice on a "little" thing how to keep my eyes fixed on God and to give thanks in ALL/any/whatever circumstances, since someday I might be entrusted with a more difficult trial and I will need to be practiced and have a framework to come back to for it.
Whatever the case, miraculously (seriously - it IS a miracle!), yesterday morning I found myself prayer journaling, "Lord, thank you for the work you have done in my heart this week - thank you for reminding me of your goodness and kindness and how much you love me. Thank you for blessing me with acne and for walking my heart through hurts - you are so gracious, Holy God. Help me be compassionate and kind like you, Jesus. Help me be a blessing to others and an advocate for truth."
I know that I might continue to struggle with this for awhile - this attitude of thankfulness, even in my acne - and I know that the idea of significant events and facing them with a face full of blemishes is still daunting to me. My mind is quick to jump to "What if's...?" like, "What if I have acne for the rest of my life? What if I can't get make up to cover up my blemishes on my wedding day? What if my students laugh at me and think less of me because I'm a teacher that is dealing with something everyone else dealt with in high school? What if the acne gets worse during hormonal changes in my life - like if I ever have children or when I go through menopause?" but I am choosing (today) to say to my mind, "Stop! Go no farther. My Father in Heaven is a GOOD God. He loves me. He gives me what I need each day - in provision, in growth opportunities, in grace. He will not give me anything that is not for my good, or anything beyond what he will help me to handle, or anything that is wasting my time and without purpose. I am going to build my life on that truth."
I will probably have to make that decision every day - perhaps for a very long time, or even the rest of my life - but I hope that someday it will become habitual when it comes to this particular issue, at least! :)
So that is the most recent heart-journey I've been on. It's one that I started years ago, and I'm not over it yet, but I feel like God has brought me to the top of a vantage point and is letting me see where I have been, so I have a better understanding to hold on to of who he is and how he is preparing me for whatever comes next on this journey.
My acne isn't gone - but I don't even mind that it isn't. It is an ever-present reminder that God gives gifts in all forms, and that nothing that comes from him is NOT a gift - everything is something he uses as an agent of refinement. And I find myself filled with joy that I have this gift - a teenage skin issue - that I have been entrusted with as an adult so I could learn deeper truths about God through it.
And now I'm curious - are there things that you find yourself wishing were different about yourself? Can I pray for God to help you see the blessing of it? Feel free to leave a comment below!
In reality, this particular post that I'm about to type has been forming for months - maybe years. Just this past week I've found myself changing ever-so-slightly (but definitely significantly!) in ways that have been EVER-so-long in developing. Sometimes it seems like I'm not even aware of the depths of an issue in my heart or the process that's underway until it's become so significant I can't overlook it any more - which is usually quite a long time into it!
Anyhow, I'm philosophizing when I should just be sharing.
Acne has changed my life.
You might laugh, or quirk an eyebrow in astonishment or disbelief, or make some kind of expression of surprise or humor. Feel free. I'll wait. But I'm serious. Some things just do, and acne is one for me.
I first developed acne on my face about the time that many people who get acne do - when I became a teen (maybe a year or two earlier for me - so I was an early bloomer, what can I say?). It started with a red mark here or there, which changed into bigger red marks and picking (sorry, I know this is gross, but there really is something inherently satisfying about squeezing zits. Just go to any summer camp for proof - they make skits up about it, because it's something practically every teen can relate to!), first in the "T" zone, and then all over my face.
My mom had acne when she was in high school, so I assumed it was hereditary. Mom tried to get me to wait it out and let it pass, but when I was 17 (5 years into the acne struggle), I asked her if we could go to a dermatologist and try to figure something out.
I can't really remember if there was any one incident that made me feel like acne was ugly and undesirable - I do remember babysitting for a family once and in their childish innocence, I accidentally interrupted a conversation between two of the kiddos talking about my face. One of them said to the other, "What's wrong with Dani's face?" and the other said, "I don't know, maybe she has chicken pox." When they saw me approaching, they asked me, "What happened to your face? Why do you have red marks all over it?" I was embarrassed and tried to explain to them that sometimes, when you become a teenager, it just happens. That interaction only reinforced my feeling that I was unattractive -even to little kids! - and associated with sickness and illness and infectious diseases because of my skin.
When I went to the doctor about my skin (and then another... and then another...), I was told that I needed to go on Accutane. It was amazing stuff in the sense that it did clear up my skin - just in time for my senior photos, too! When I looked at the pictures of myself, I remember thinking with surprise, "I am not ugly!" My face was clear and I looked like the senior girls I had looked up to all through middle school and high school as THE epitome of maturity and health and youthful beauty.
But the clear skin didn't last. After about 7 months, I started to break out again. I went back to my dermatologist and was told that I might need to go back on Accutane. So I did. Again and again and again. Six times in total.
Accutane is not the easiest drug to be on. As a girl, I had to have negative pregnancy tests every month (Accutane leads to severe birth defects if a woman gets pregnant while on it), which was awkward for someone committed to abstinence and sexual purity to have to go through, but I also had to have blood draws every month to check how my liver was functioning, and my doctor had to check to make sure I wasn't growing a brain tumor each month as well. All of this was hard enough to do in the USA, but I also tried to figure out how to do it in Italy when I was going to school over there!
My parents' lost their job when I was almost 21, and along with that, they couldn't continue to cover themselves and their employees with medical insurance. My mom was able to go back to work after 3 months of not having any income, and she did get good medical coverage with her new job, but that time made me realize how expensive Accutane is to be on, and I started to think about how I was going to have to pay a LOT of money out of pocket if I was going to keep going back on it.
When I got medical insurance through my job, after I graduated from college, I went to my Kaiser dermatologist to see if I could start the process of going back on Accutane. He encouraged me to try alternatives - topical Retin-A gel, an antibiotic lotion, and an internal antibiotic. He didn't want to put me back on Accutane because he thought it became less effective every time, and obviously going back on it wasn't a long term solution. He also suggested birth control, but because I don't want to superimpose a hormonal regulation of my cycle, I declined that route. I was on the antibiotic regiment for 10 months without any changes in my skin.
Last December, I decided to try ProActive after the encouragement of my regular doctor. I was on it for 8 weeks and my face broke out in dry, painful patches of peeling skin. I think the chemicals were just too harsh for it.
Then I tried a load of homeopathic options - essential oils, oil cleanses, changes in diet (no sugar, gluten, or dairy) for a few months, and nothing worked, if anything, over the course of not being on the antibiotic, my acne developed into larger, more painful inflammations on my jaw line and cheeks.
Finally, desperate, I went back to my old dermatologist and asked if there was any alternatives he could give me besides Accutane and birth control. He suggested another hormonal option (non contraceptive), but told me he really thought I just needed to go back on Accutane.
I wasn't opposed to going back on it, but I felt like I was in a quandary: first, I don't like to just treat the symptoms and cover up the cause. Clearly, Accutane has not yet treated the actual cause of my acne - it's only treated the symptoms and masked the problem for a period of time, repeatedly (and the acne keeps coming back!); second, I don't want to go on something that is actually potentially harmful to my body - all of the monthly checks seem to indicate that there is a degree for damage and risk in taking Accutane; and third, I really don't want to go on birth control (for a number of reasons I won't get in to here), and even though I might be able to go on Accutane again for now... or next year or the year after or whatever, by all indications, it seems like going that route will mean that I need to KEEP going back on Accutane, and at some point, I assume I'll get married, I can't be on Accutane without being on oral contraceptives or some other form of hormonal birth control.
Accutane just didn't seem like the solution to a problem that's been going on for 12 years.
So I sought a naturopath - a Christian naturopath. He encouraged me to consider if there were any spiritual or emotional things that might be contributing to my acne, beyond just the physical, and he got me on several herbal supplements. They seemed to help for the first 2 weeks, then plateaued and didn't seem to improve my skin. After another visit with him a few weeks ago - and a complete change in supplements with a new focus related to supporting my immune system and trying to keep my blood sugar levels in balance - I reach the present in my story, where I still have acne that isn't significantly different than it's been for the past 2 or 3 months.
I don't think I can even try to describe the emotional rollercoaster that this struggle has felt like. I know it's not a major thing - it's just skin - and I know that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty, but I'm not kidding, there have been countless sessions of frustrated crying, trying different make up techniques, buying different products, even arguments between my wonderful boyfriend and me over these past 6 months as I've been self conscious of scabs on my face or not wanting to go out in public after a grueling day or week of trying to put up a brave front and pretend that I wasn't affected by my skin. Gabe has assured me time and time again that my skin isn't what's important - that he thinks I'm beautiful regardless of how I look, but I still hate my face.
This week I went to the beach for a solitary retreat. I took a book with me called "Lies Women Believe." I also got sunburned the weekend prior, particularly my forehead and nose, so my face was sort of shot. I was peeling and red and make up wasn't looking good because it was just getting clumped in peeling skin or scabs. The day I was preparing to come home, I tried to put make up on and ended up in tears.
I left the bathroom mirror and went out to the kitchen to put away dishes, and it was like the dam broke. I found myself slamming cupboard doors as I put away dishes and sobbing and saying aloud, "What do you want from me, God? Why can't you just fix my face? I've tried everything I can think of, I'm trying to be a good steward of my body and do this the non-damaging way, I've dealt with this for 12 years, and you're the only thing I can think of that will make this improve. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for years that you would clear my skin, and you aren't doing it! How can you not see how much this hurts me? Why do you not step in? Where are you? Why don't you love me enough to just make it better?"
And I realized, as I was saying this (I might have even been shouting!), that these words coming out of my mouth were reflections of lies that I'd just been reading about in the book. Lies like:
- God doesn't love me
- God doesn't listen to me
- God doesn't care about me
- God isn't enough for me
- My external appearance is what is beautiful and important
- God cannot be trusted
- I have a right to have my own way
When I saw them in that light - and had the truth that the book had pointed out to combat them - I had to make the difficult choice to believe the truth, not the lies. It wasn't difficult in the sense that I didn't want to believe truth; believe me, in no way do I want to be believing lies! But it was difficult in the sense that I truly, truly was believing these lies, and I had to step in with every one and keep reminding myself of what God's word says... ALL day!
Truths like:
- God does love me - so much that he was willing to die for me
- God does listen to me - my relationship with him is based on Jesus Christ and the work Jesus did at the cross to take the punishment for my sins
- God does care about me - he made me and knew every moment of my life before I was even conceived
- God is enough for me - God provides all the love, security, loyalty, and worth I could ever desire
- My body is only a temporary home for my soul - who I am is not what I look like. My heart and character can be beautiful, regardless of what my skin is doing
- God can be trusted - he has redeemed my soul from death and has given my life and gifts and blessings in abundance
- I do not have a right to have things go my way - which includes looking the way I want to look. All of my rights are owned by God - I am like a slave. He gets total decision making authority in every aspect of my life.
As I was driving back from the beach and praying and crying, asking God to help me sort through these lies and hold on to truth, I felt like God said (very kindly but urgently) to my heart, "Dani, I love you. You are more precious to me than you can even imagine. Will you trust me? Will you trust that I'm doing something good in you? Will you trust that I let nothing happen in your life - no circumstances, no break outs, no conversations, NO thing - that I don't have a plan for that will make you more like me? I want you to be at peace, and the only way you will be at peace is if you surrender your heart - hurt though it may be, unsatisfied though it is - to me. You have the choice, I will not make you, but I'm asking you to give me your desires for clear skin and let me do what I will with it."
Needless to say, that got my attention. For the rest of the drive home, after I said, "OK, Lord - here's my heart. I do desire that my skin would be clear - you know I desire that - but I desire what you want more than what I want. If you have purposes and reasons - whether I understand them or not - for me to have acne, I accept them. And Father, I thank you for them too, because I know you aren't leaving my heart to hurt for no reason. You are doing something good, because you are good, and all your ways are good," I had peace.
In fact, I began to see different reasons for why God might have given me the gift (yes, you read that right, the gift) of acne: perhaps He did it so I can sympathize with people who have physical issues their hearts are hurting over (2 Corinthians says that God comforts us so that we can comfort others) - perhaps this will even be in my own family, as my little brother and sister are in their early teens and have acne. Maybe I'll get to be an encouragement to them and be able to actually walk with them through learning to trust God, even about our acne. Maybe I will be able to better see the heart of people and be able to give a testimony to how God reminded me that my external appearance is not what determines my worth - and that I'll be able to walk out knowing I am loved and valued and cherished, despite having something the world often sees as a "blemish" or a "flaw." Or perhaps God is letting me learn and practice on a "little" thing how to keep my eyes fixed on God and to give thanks in ALL/any/whatever circumstances, since someday I might be entrusted with a more difficult trial and I will need to be practiced and have a framework to come back to for it.
Whatever the case, miraculously (seriously - it IS a miracle!), yesterday morning I found myself prayer journaling, "Lord, thank you for the work you have done in my heart this week - thank you for reminding me of your goodness and kindness and how much you love me. Thank you for blessing me with acne and for walking my heart through hurts - you are so gracious, Holy God. Help me be compassionate and kind like you, Jesus. Help me be a blessing to others and an advocate for truth."
I know that I might continue to struggle with this for awhile - this attitude of thankfulness, even in my acne - and I know that the idea of significant events and facing them with a face full of blemishes is still daunting to me. My mind is quick to jump to "What if's...?" like, "What if I have acne for the rest of my life? What if I can't get make up to cover up my blemishes on my wedding day? What if my students laugh at me and think less of me because I'm a teacher that is dealing with something everyone else dealt with in high school? What if the acne gets worse during hormonal changes in my life - like if I ever have children or when I go through menopause?" but I am choosing (today) to say to my mind, "Stop! Go no farther. My Father in Heaven is a GOOD God. He loves me. He gives me what I need each day - in provision, in growth opportunities, in grace. He will not give me anything that is not for my good, or anything beyond what he will help me to handle, or anything that is wasting my time and without purpose. I am going to build my life on that truth."
I will probably have to make that decision every day - perhaps for a very long time, or even the rest of my life - but I hope that someday it will become habitual when it comes to this particular issue, at least! :)
So that is the most recent heart-journey I've been on. It's one that I started years ago, and I'm not over it yet, but I feel like God has brought me to the top of a vantage point and is letting me see where I have been, so I have a better understanding to hold on to of who he is and how he is preparing me for whatever comes next on this journey.
My acne isn't gone - but I don't even mind that it isn't. It is an ever-present reminder that God gives gifts in all forms, and that nothing that comes from him is NOT a gift - everything is something he uses as an agent of refinement. And I find myself filled with joy that I have this gift - a teenage skin issue - that I have been entrusted with as an adult so I could learn deeper truths about God through it.
And now I'm curious - are there things that you find yourself wishing were different about yourself? Can I pray for God to help you see the blessing of it? Feel free to leave a comment below!
